Managing the Naysayers

Managing the NaysayersHas this happened to you: Feeling good, joyfully setting and working toward goals that delight you when, seemingly out of nowhere, appear the naysayers discouraging your efforts.

Naysayers are the people in our lives finding fault with our decisions, questioning our ideas, and unable to believe in new possibilities.

You can tell a naysayer because they limited the possibilities in their own minds, and are convinced what is true for them is also true for others. They are known for generalized statements such as:

The field is over-saturated.

It’s impossible to succeed.

No one makes money doing that.

You’re going to fail.

I wouldn’t bother, if I was you.

You can’t afford that…

Sound familiar?

Naysayers

Those comments, by the way, are a sampling of what I was told after starting my presentation design business in the 1990s.

It was easy for me to dismiss them because I could really feel in my heart that this was the way to go…and the right time to do it.

Turns out, there was a great need for the services I was providing, and clients sought me out. The first year I replaced my corporate income and the second year I was earning six figures.

I remembered this 18 months later when I envisioned myself buying a new home and found that my real estate agent was, in fact, a naysayer. She didn’t believe in my ability, as a self-employed single parent, to afford a home of my own. Rather than help me find something in my budget, she gave me a map highlighting to the worst part of town (with houses ready to be demolished).

The Blessing in Naysayers

As with all contrast, there is a blessing in having naysayers in our life. They show us what *we* believe. If we are discouraged by naysayers, that reveals how we are not believing in ourselves. Even an inkling of worry or doubt in us will become triggered by the naysayers.

However, if we truly believe in what we are doing, then we cannot be dissuaded no matter what anyone else says or does. Naysayer comments will seem empty or almost comical because we know what we want, and we already feel the strong momentum of our success is underway. Like someone telling a builder it’s impossible to build a building when it’s already framed up and ready to finish.

If we recognize the naysayer for who they are, a person projecting their own fears, doubts, and limited beliefs, then it is easier to forgive them and move past their comments. This is what I did with my naysayer real estate agent.

Rather than argue with her or try to convince her that she was wrong, I recognized that she was just not with the program I had embarked upon. She didn’t see or understand the magic that I was already creating in my life. I mentally patted her on the top of her head, forgave her for not seeing the magic, and went around her to get approved by a mortgage lender and find the property I wanted to purchase. Then, I contacted her again to finalize the purchase.

Some people might have skipped that last step, and found a new agent who believed in them. Because I knew this agent personally, and knew she needed the sale (naysayers often live a difficult life), I wanted to help her out. I also wanted to share the magic I was creating, so she could open her eyes to new possibilities.

Tips for Managing Naysayers

  1. As always, it starts with you: Get clear on your decisions before you discuss them with others. When you are solid in your knowing, clear on what feels best to you, comments from naysayers will not bother you. In some cases, they might even amuse you.
  2. Be choosy. Chances are, you are aware of some naysayers in your life right now. Unless you enjoy conflict, be choosy about who has the privilege of discussing your business decisions with you. Not everyone in your life needs to know every business decision you have made.
  3. Naysayers who are closer to you: Significant other or a business partner, and/or both, who are naysayers really challenge our commitment to our choices. Managing naysayers who live and/or work with us requires us to really be in touch with how we feel, and be willing to own our power to make our own choices. When you know what is important and which decision feels best to you, you’ll be better able to detach yourself from their comments.If your business partner is constantly naysaying, despite your business decisions always working out well, it might be a good idea to renegotiate how you interact. Perhaps you can agree to each make certain decisions without each others approval. Or you might want to find a new business partner.
  4. When you are your own naysayer it is time to go within and figure out what’s going on. If you cannot trust your own ideas and decisions, it’s time to work on your self-love and self-esteem. There is no room for success and well-being when we lack trust in ourselves.
  5. Use the naysayer triggers to look at your own doubts and fears. When someone elses naysaying bothers you, it’s a good indication that you harbor some of those same feelings. Otherwise, their comments wouldn’t trigger you.
  6. Bless the naysayers. Yeah, you read that right: Mentally thank and appreciate the naysayers for either showing you your own doubts and fears, or for revealing how solid you feel on the topic. Either way, they are providing a valuable service, and that deserves some appreciation!

How have you dealt with naysayers? It’s your turn to share how you’ve dealt with the naysayers in your life…comment below so we can all benefit.

Image Credit: pixelbliss

The Power of Declaration

One of the most valuable lessons I learned about the Law of Attraction (LOA), and the one I hear talked about least, is the importance of letting go of the doubt and questioning, and replacing it with intent and declaration. You don’t have to completely work through the doubt, just be willing to set it aside and choose to speak with positive intent.

I talk to people who say they know all about LOA, have been practicing it for 10-20 years, who seem to be completely unaware of this truth or it’s power to create change. They talk about themselves, their life, and their services in a series of doubts and questions:

I’m trying something new, so I guess we’ll see…

I don’t know what I’m going to do…how do I get more traffic on my website?

I’m wondering WHAT I am doing that’s creating all these problems?

I have no idea where my next client is coming from…

It will be interesting to find out if this marketing is ever going to work…

Oh, my schedule is so crazy, I have no idea if I’ll have time for that [fill in the blank] next week. I really want to do it, but I don’t…

OK, I could go on, but I think you get the picture. In fact, you may recognize some of these statements in your own experience. If you want to create something new, you have to speak positively of its possibility, not the lack or doubt of it.

Let’s step back for a moment and review some fundamentals of the Law of Attraction: Your thoughts attract experiences that match in tone and vibration. Therefore, you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. Since you are almost always thinking during your waking hours, how you think/feel affects every aspect of your life.

Everyone who understands LOA will agree with the above, although the mechanics of it are a bit more complicated*. Mechanics aside, many LOA practitioners forget that you are creating through thoughts and feelings even when you are complaining, worrying, or saying that ‘nothing is working’. When you are making statements about your doubt, your fears, your worries, your concerns, you are still creating MORE of those doubtful, fearsome, or worrisome experiences.

Whatever you give your attention to, even if it is the LACK of something, you are also giving energy to it, and therefore, it is growing in response to your attention. You are literally creating the possibility when you give it attention, which means life is always making you right~everything you speak is an affirmation of something!

If you believe you are being disrespected, you’ll suddenly see evidence of this all around you.

If you are focusing mostly on where you are failing, or unsure, you are creating more experiences to feel like you are failing or unsure.

If you are focusing on a lack of clients or marketing success, you are creating more experiences that will point out the lack of clients or marketing success.

If you are doubting your abilities, LOA will line you up with proof to support your doubt.

If you are constantly asking questioning yourself, you will be shown more reasons to question yourself.

What’s equally true is this: When you get very clear about what you want (respect, success, clarity, clients, confidence, and self-esteem), and begin *intending* to experience these qualities, you will ALSO be shown proof of them!

Even if you don’t know how to accomplish your goal, if you remember that you are a creative being and what you state is possible to create, you can begin making powerful statements of intent.  By shifting your questions into declarations of what you desire to experience, you can begin to shift your experiences. That’s powerful and deliberate creation! When you open up to the possibility of change, even when you have no clue how to change, repeated declarations of intent will draw to you the people, resources, and opportunities to experience what you declared.

Don’t take my word for it, though…try it out for yourself. Stop doubting, start declaring. Notice where you have introduced doubt and confusion into your thoughts, and choose instead to declare what you prefer to experience. Then, share what you notice in the comments below…we can all learn from each other!

Remember to allow yourself to notice any emotions and thoughts come up when you try to shift your questions to declarations. Feel those emotions and give them your loving attention until they pass. They are important clues to any subconscious blocks that may be preventing you from moving forward. However, if you feel stuck in negative emotions, find a coach or therapist who will help you move through them.

*Your heart is 100 times more powerful electrically, and up to 5,000 times more powerful magnetically, than your brain. So, the electro-magnetic field generated by emotions, felt by your heart, is very powerful and connected to the Quantum Field of Possibilities! Research has shown that atoms are changed either electrically or magnetically, so our hearts have the capacity to change the atoms around us. If you’d like to know more, visit Gregg Braden and Dr. Bruce Lipton‘s sites, and search YouTube for some of their informative videos.

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