Thinking About Others

The Thinker by Auguste Rodin, California Palace of the Legion of Honor, 2007

In the last week alone, I have had at least three people ask me this question:

How can I possibly feel good when [fill in the blank people, animal, or organization] is experiencing [fill in the blank hardship or difficulty that seems unfair]?

The Law of Attraction is always working, whether we believe it or not. Like a tuning fork, we are sending our vibration out into the quantum field. The Law of Attraction is lining us up with like-vibrations in people, locations, and experiences. When people first learn about this, they do their utmost best to stay positive about their own life, but often struggle to maintain a positive attitude about people and situations around them that seem unkind or unfair.

There is no need to expand on what those negative situations could be since most of us can quickly identify those in our own experiences. Worrying and fearing for oneself or others is praying for what you don’t want. Instead, make the decision to use your energy to uplift yourself and others.

10.2013.ThinkingAboutOthersWhile it’s true that we cannot create in the reality of another person because we cannot think and feel for them, feeling bad about or for another person only lowers your vibration and consequently will drag you down. In this way, even choosing to think bad about someone else is also harming you. What you give out energetically is what you receive back.

Vibrationally speaking, how would you want others to view you? Would you rather have them feeling pity for you, worrying about you, imagining the worst…or would you rather have them seeing you as capable, strong, successful, and easily able to overcome anything?

Think back on the hardships you’ve experienced. With hindsight, most people can say that every hardship they’ve endured helped them learn more about themselves and grow positively from the experience. Personally, I’ve discovered that every experience holds the seeds of blessings, if we are willing to see it that way. It’s not up to us to deprive others of their opportunities to learn and grow, but we can positively support them in their journey.

Like the time when I was 15 and the adults around me were clearly suffering from the belief that I had uterine cancer. X-Rays showed a mass over my uterus, but without major surgery they wouldn’t know for sure. Fortunately, I had an inner knowing that said I was fine, so I couldn’t figure out why people were putting so much attention on a negative outcome that wasn’t going to happen. Turns out, it was benign cysts on my ovaries that were easily removed during surgery. While I told every one around me that I was fine, I also let them hold onto whatever belief they wanted. Looking back, though, it would have been nice had the adults around me been imagining the best into the unknown, seeing me as coming through the situation with ease and trusting that all was well.

Research is now showing that it matters what the doctor thinks, too.  That is, if you give that kind of power over to your doctor. Even as a teen I was clear that the doctors were wrong and they’d eventually figure that out, which they did. I remember my mother saying she wished that she could trade places with me to prevent me from dealing with this, but that experience at age 15 taught me many important things that I have carried through my life.

What about when you don’t have a inner knowing that all is well? Cultivate it. Start where you are, and build from there. See the blessings that are always present. Appreciate what is working well, notice how the situation is better than it could have been, and begin to look for ways that good could present itself. As you make this your practice, you’ll find it gets easier and more fun…and the results make it worthwhile.

For most of us, seeing others as capable, strong, successful, and finding their way through their situation will feel better than fearing, worrying or gossiping about them. Am I expecting you to be jumping for joy and celebrating someone’s hardship? NO! I’m not saying that.

This is what I am saying: hold the space for hope and possibility for others. Be the person in their life/lives that imagines the best outcome possible and sees them as capable, strong, thriving, and benefiting from the experience. For some people, you can be present around them during their struggles and others you may need to distance yourself. Either way, thinking well of them and holding a space for good will benefit everyone involved.

Not only will this feel better to you, the onlooker, but it will feel good to them to know someone sees a light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll appreciate it, too, when they return the favor during your difficult moments.

Your turn! What helps you stay positive and imagine the best outcome for those you see suffering? Share your comments below.


Image: The Thinker by Auguste Rodin,
California Palace of the Legion of Honor, 2007

Challenging Those Challenging Thoughts

As I teach, mentor and coach my clients, I’ve discovered that many folks need extra help dealing with their negative thinking patterns. Even people who consider themselves optimists sometimes find themselves sucked into negative thinking patterns. For instance, some of the most positive people I know have rather negative thought patterns about money. Those patterns tell them that good people can’t earn a decent living, that financial struggle is a necessary part of life, that only cheats and crooks get away with making money. If I was money, I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with a person who thought that way about me!

What I’ve also discovered is that all un-challenged thoughts eventually take root in our bodies as feelings. Eventually, we don’t bother thinking the whole thought, we just have the feeling in our body and know what it means. Every thought we allow to enter our mind and set up shop is contributing to our experiences. When it comes to negative/challenging thoughts, this is a BIG problem. Long-term negative thinking patterns cause the body to habitually release related chemicals/hormones that can begin causing physical challenges that morph into full-blown dis-ease.

Therefore, it’s really important to check in with yourself and notice how you feel throughout each day. When you begin feeling tired or negatively, notice what you have been thinking about prior to the onset. Determine what thoughts took you from feeling good to not feeling good. Then, begin to ask yourself whether these thoughts are really true.

Byron Katie (known as Katie), author of Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, has developed a process she refers to as “The Work”. The work is known as an “inquiry” process: Once you identify a thought that upsets you (anger, fear, sadness, worry, etc.), you open yourself to honestly answer these questions:

1. Is *this thought* true? (If no, this realization usually stops the thought. Either way, continue on…)

2. Can I absolutely be sure *this thought* is true? (Either yes or no, continue on…)

3. How do I react when I think *this thought*? How does it affect me? (consider what this thought is doing to you and your life)

4. Who would I be without *this thought*? (how would life feel if I let go of this thought and chose a different one that felt better)

Then, do a turnaround: What is the opposite of *this thought*? The truth is usually that we were inflicting the pain on ourselves, not the other way around.

It is amazing how quickly this process helps us identify and become clear in our thinking. Once you do it, you’ll realize how powerful these four questions can be in helping you to quickly release thoughts that are no longer serving you! To learn more, and watch any of the 12 videos of Katie walking people through The Work on her site:

(Consciously) Choosing Thoughts That Support You

Recently, I was coaching one of my clients and she mentioned a grim statistic about her industry. It was necessary to stop the client and remind her that 1.) a statistic is just a group of facts—determined by past thoughts and actions—gathered to prove a point, and 2.) if the point that a statistic proves does not support you in what you want to create for your life…let it go…it has no value to you.

You are the only one who thinks the thoughts inside your brain. No one else can think or change your thoughts for you. It’s wise to choose thoughts that support the best of who you are, who you intend to be, and what you intend to experience. When you think of it, why would we consciously choose to think thoughts that do not support where we want to go or what we want to experience? Sadly, most people do exactly that—unconsciously—every day, all day long.

If you passively allow thoughts to enter your mind without monitoring them, then you are creating by default. You become the reactive being, rather than a pro-active, pro-creative being, and life never seems to give you what you are looking for. You are perpetually disappointed, in a constant reactive state.

Deliberate creators choose how they want their life to be, and then choose thoughts that support and nurture that into being. Affirmations are a way of consciously choosing thoughts that support you in where you want to go in life. You get to decide what you want to change, and then you get to create thoughts that support what you want to create.

When you observe someone who seems to glide through life, and everything seems to be handed to them, you might think they are just lucky. Have you ever considered how their self-talk might be supporting them in creating that lucky life? We would appear lucky, too, if we chose to think in a way that supports us in achieving what they want.

Are you choosing thoughts that support you? Share your comments below.

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