Releasing Your Victim Status

How often do you feel like a victim? How often do you feel like things happen TO you, instead of FOR you? Some of you reading this will probably say never, and if so you might really want to look a little deeper.

This is not easy to admit, but recently I became aware that I was raised to feel like a victim. In no way do I blame my family. I doubt they set out to *make* me feel that way, let alone to feel that way themselves, but it still is the truth: I was raised to feel and act like a victim.

I know I was raised to feel this way be cause my family’s favorite pastime is complaining! Not only did the adults around me model how to complain, we were actively encouraged to look for things to complain about and rewarded with extra attention when we did. In family gatherings, not only could you get lots of attention for complaining, most times the rest of the group would join in and add their complaints to the mix!

But it didn’t stop there. Complaining wasn’t even JUST the favorite pastime in my family, but in the culture around me, where it’s still active every where in our media and news sources!

But that was then, and now I understand how I create my reality with my thoughts, words, actions and the FEELINGS they invoke in me. Those feelings send out a vibrational signal to the Universe through the electro-magnetic field that connects everything. So, I’ve learned that when I take 100% responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, and feelings, the world around me shifts to reflect that back to me.

I know that I am a Deliberate Creator and what I give my attention GROWS vibrationally, and before long, it comes into physical manifestation. When you complain, you are giving a signal to the Universe that you want MORE of what you are complaining about, and that keeps you feeling stuck, as if nothing ever improves, and in a perpetual state of victimhood.

I have come to learn that if I really want to experience change, not just complain about it, I have to begin thinking and speaking differently. Even if I am complaining about complaining! 😉

That’s because it is impossible
to complain and NOT feel like a victim!

It makes vibrational sense: If you want to let go of your victim mentality, the first step is to stop complaining. It might be easier for you to make a decision to halt your complaints in mid-thought. However, if you hang around a bunch of people who like to complain verbally or in writing (blogs, articles, etc.), before you know it, it may become your habit, too. Once complaining has become an ingrained habit, you may find yourself doing it without even trying!

* * *

That means that if you REALLY want

to release your victim status,

you must FIRST let go of

the habit of complaining!

* * *

 

You’ve probably heard me say that EVERYTHING that we say is affirming something – either something positive or something negative, depending on the label we give to it. When we complain, we are affirming our status as victims.

It’s up to you, though. No one else is going to think your thoughts, speak your words, or feel your feelings and emotions. When would you like to release the victim status and feel more empowered? That’s the time you will want to commit to letting go of the habit of complaining. It’s never too late to stop complaining and create a new habit.

Now it’s your turn: Do you have a story of how you let go of complaining and the victim status it creates? Share it below so others can benefit!

Do You Argue For Your Limitations?

Have you ever met someone who complains for hours about all the problems in their lives, then when offered several really great solutions they begin to argue about why they must continue to do what is clearly not working for them? This is called “arguing for your limitations”~arguing for why it’s impossible to change, why it’s necessary remain stuck in misery.

Like a proverbial stuck record, this person is convinced that the world is out to get them, nothing goes their way, all the existing solutions and opportunities have failed them (even while they work beautifully for others). Furthermore, if they try to change what’s not working for them, they are convinced it will turn out *worse* than it already is! This person will argue for hours about why *nothing will ever change*.


Convinced that nothing works, that is in fact what these people experience ~and they can PROVE it! In fact, they could go on for days with example after example of how this is true. Deep down, these people feel powerless and keep wondering why someone doesn’t come along an *solve* the problem for them.

The sad irony is~even if others DID solve their problems, it would only be temporary because this person believes and is therefore attracting “nothing works for me, my life is constant struggle”. Whatever gains they receive through others helping them is quickly lost, and they are soon back behind the eight-ball of life. They are forever stuck in a cycle of nothing working and constant struggle.

You may think you are pretty evolved and are grateful you are not like this. However, many who consider themselves conscious and deliberate creators about most subjects may find that they still harbor similar attitudes on *certain subjects*. Money is the most common one for individuals. Business owners often have it about selling and marketing.

Is there an area of your life where nothing seems to be working, and everything you try fails? How often do you tell *that* story? Do you find yourself justifying why your problem is unsolvable? These are all signs that you *might* be spending some of your energy arguing for your limitations on this subject.

If you think you might be limiting yourself in a certain area, ask yourself:

How has this limiting belief served me? We usually took on a limiting belief to protect ourselves when we were younger, without realizing we have outgrown the need as an adult. Be grateful for how it has served you and recognize why you no longer need it.

How would I show up in the world if I didn’t believe this? How does it feel when you consider a life without this belief?

What would it take for me to feel safe in replacing this limiting belief with a supportive one? When you know what you don’t want, it points to what you DO want. By choosing supportive thoughts ahead of time, and developing a plan you can implement, you have something to turn to in lieu of the limiting beliefs.

Based on your answer to the last question, begin implementing your plan for replacing the belief. Then, notice what begins to change around you.

Just like it’s important to clear the physical clutter, it’s important to release the limiting beliefs that no longer serve us.

Note: If it just feels too scary to release a limiting belief, that’s OK, too. Recognizing it is the first step. You can always change your mind, or seek a coach or counselor to assist you in the process.

Are you harboring limiting beliefs? Have you recently let some go? What helped you release the beliefs that were not supporting you?

Are You Stuck in Your Story?

Are you stuck in your story?Regardless of your employment, relationship, or financial status, there is one thing that can make or break your success: The stories you tell yourself about why your life is the way it is today.

We each create our own story, usually empahsized with facts such as where we grew up, what our family is like, where we went to school, and how we got into our current field of work. Our story is how we describe who we are to ourselves and others. It is how we internally define ourselves and the basis from which we vibrate energy out into the world and take action. They play out not only in how we speak about ourselves, but in the actions we take on our behalf. This is why the stories we tell matter in every aspect of our life.

Our stories are the information we tell the people we are just meeting, or friends we’ve known for a long time, and represents the way we feel about ourselves. If you see yourself as a winner, your story reflects that. If you see yourself as a loser or down-on-your-luck, your story reflects that. Which story do you want to reflect?

Your story keeps evolving all throughout your entire life. If you are breathing, right now, you are telling yourself and/or others some story…the question is: Is the story you are telling yourself serving you in a positive way?

Our stories, like most, are affirmations for who and where we are in life. They almost always start with, “I am…”, and contain some ‘neutral facts’:

I am self-employed, and my clients are…

I am so easy-going that I often attract…

I am organized and self-sufficient, which means I tend to…

I am in my current financial situation because…

After the facts are laid out, however, our stories often include generalizations and beliefs we have about ourselves and others that dramatically affect our life experiences. They become negative affirmations, if you will, for things we don’t like about ourselves. Often, these beliefs are not universally true, or even accurate, but we will speak them, think them, and *act on them* as if they are.

Have you ever stopped to look at the “story” you’ve created so far?

Do you tell yourself and others that your life is productive, successful, and happy? Do you include the many successes of your life and why you are a worthwhile human? Do you support your own success, health, and well-being?

Do you make excuses to yourself and others for your results and make those part of your story? Do you blame others for the experiences that you attracted? Do you justify your behaviors as reasons why you can never have what you want? Do you assume your needs cannot be met, so you stop asking? Do you sabotage any potential for success and happiness?

If we are not conscious, the stories we tell ourselves can morph into subtle forms of self-sabotage. By virtue of the Law of Attraction, we naturally attract more of what we think/speak/act upon. If we are telling the same story, over and over, we are attracting the same result repeatedly and that leaves us feeling stuck. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

For example, someone contacted me saying that they were shocked to find their general attitudes described in one of my articles, “Getting Out of the *How* Business”. They thanked me for the insight, and I responded that I was glad the article had been helpful. They responded back saying, “When you are an organized person it’s hard to get over the *how*” . The words they wrote stopped me in my tracks because I knew they did not have to be true. I also knew immediately: This was the story this person had been telling themselves to justify their current experiences. They justified their current struggles by saying it was hard for an organized person to be open to how their life unfolds.

Being a coach at heart, I couldn’t let that comment rest. I had to say something. (spot the story that makes me think that though?)

I responded back asking if it’s really true that being organized makes it hard to get over the *how*, or is this the story they had been telling themselves? If the latter, I suggested they create a new, improved story for themselves that supported their success and happiness.

By asking that question, and pointing out the story, the recipient was able to make a shift. They emailed right back to share how this was helping them move forward.

It can be incredibly liberating to look back over your life and weed out the parts of your story that no longer serve you. If you have been growing in consciousness, who you are today is much more evolved than who you were 10 – 20 – 30 (or more) years ago. You may not be able to physically change what happened, but you certainly don’t need to speak about it, to yourself or others, dredge up all the negative feelings and dwell in that same energy for the rest of your life. You have a choice in fact, LOTS of choices in how you tell your story!

Start where you are, and imagine new improved story about yourself that supports your own success, health, and well-being.

What are your thoughts about the stories you’ve been telling?

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