Allowing Success

You’ve told everyone about your intentions, and set about taking actions to make your success a reality.

Instead of experiencing the success you’ve envisioned, things seem to be falling apart.

No matter what you do, nothing is working. Your energy for following your dream is fading and fast!

What’s Really Going On?

allowing successWhether your idea of success is personal (weight loss, relationships, ending an addiction, etc.) or professional (getting a job, being promoted, starting or growing a business, etc.), one of the key factors in experiencing success is ‘allowing’ that success to happen.

“What are you talking about, Nancy? Of COURSE I am allowing my success! Why wouldn’t I allow my own success?

Indeed, a very good question to ask: Why wouldn’t you allow your own success? Being successful can mean a lot of things, all of which involve CHANGE.

For starters, success changes how others see you, and more importantly, how you see yourself! If your internal view of self, your self-image, does not support the direction that success will take you, you are likely sabotaging your opportunities.

If success is far greater than your community (or tribe) is used to seeing, you may fear being evicted from that circle of connection and may sabotage your opportunities. When I began making more money than the majority of my friends, it was clear that they felt uncomfortable not being able to afford the activities that I suggested. It challenged those in my circle who were not successful, and they made it clear that they did not like it. I no longer include those people in my circle.

Success as you envision it may change you faster, or more, than you are currently prepared to experience. You are expected to let go of the familiar and embrace the unknown. For some people, this is exciting and welcome. For others, this possibility is so scary that they subconsciously don’t want to see their efforts come to fruition. I say subconsciously because they *appear* to be taking appropriate actions, but never seem to *catch a break*. For the rest of the world, it appears as if they have just had a very hard life. They are, in fact, creating experiences (as we all do) that ensure their failure despite the numerous actions taken.

Self-sabotage can take many forms…

A. Focusing our attention toward inevitable failure versus expecting great results. We lower our vibration by running negative self-talk and images of previous failures so much that it becomes automatic and unconscious. This vibration naturally attracts results that match.

B. Setting goals that really aren’t ours—they belong to people we look up to—and we pursue them in the hopes of receiving approval from others. However, our hearts are not in the goal, the process, or the journey, so our actions fall flat.

C. Being unable or unwilling to take appropriate actions. By insisting on more research, more testing, more processing, we are forever preoccupied with the discovery process and never seem to have time to take the project further. Our plans stall, waiting for us to get clear about what we really want.

D. Failing to create a supportive environment for ourselves. We refuse to let go of behaviors that prevent us from succeeding. Rather than confront a dysfunctional habit, we try to incorporate it and never seem to gain traction. We hang around people who complain, blame, and find fault with others success. There’s never enough space, time, resources to accomplish our goals.

E. Undermining our relationships with the very people we rely upon to succeed: Vendors, Employees, Contractors, Colleagues, and Partners. By picking fights any point of contention will do with the people we rely upon to accomplish our goals, then we have a convenient excuse for not being able to move forward.

There are probably more…these are just the ones that come to mind.

Shortly after I started my business in 1994, I invited a fellow Chamber of Commerce member to join me on a large project. I felt sorry for her because of all the struggles she had in growing her business and I believed she was a good person. What happened next shocked me: She systematically began fighting and alienating everyone in the project, including me! Then, she’d ask for advice and promptly attack anyone who offered suggestions. I could hardly believe what I was seeing, and my contacts in the project were contacting me separately to say they were really not impressed with her.

Now, when I look back, I can see: This gal had a very poor self-image, generated a lot of destructive self-talk, and subconsciously went about ensuring her failure. To add insult to injury, she constantly talked about her problems and beat herself up over these failures which created a vicious cycle. It would have been shocking IF she had been successful in business!

Whether your current self-image is not keeping pace with your desire for success, you are afraid of change, or your capacity for change is not where it needs to be, that doesn’t have to remain your fate. We all have the capacity to grow and improve.

To prepare yourself for the growth and improvement success will bring,  consider these tips:

1. Start with self-love. Louise Hay, founder of HayHouse Publishing and author of You Can Heal Your Life, discovered there is no problem or issue, personal or professional, that cannot be resolved with self-love. Love is the greatest force in the Universe, capable of healing, growing, and teaching all who come in contact. As you love yourself more, you send a message to the Universe, and you open up to compassion for self and others. If your efforts fail, you speak lovingly to yourself as you get back up and move forward. When others fail around you, the compassion flows forth from your heart.

What action can you take today to be more loving to yourself?

2. Before taking action, line up your energy. Center your energy with regular meditation. Even 5 minutes every morning or night can make a difference. Make sure your self-talk and attitudes reflect the success you are seeking. Replace old self-talk and tapes with new positive affirmations that are better aligned with the new version of yourself. Envision the outcome often enough that you begin to feel as if it has *already happened*. As you meditate, affirm, and vision your success into being, you will naturally be guided to inspired actions. This way, every action you take counts and is far more effective.

How can you begin lining up your energy?

3. Set yourself up for success. As you are making efforts to love yourself and line up your energy, take stock of how your current environment supports you or fails to support you in moving forward. Clear out clutter. Prepare space to work and to live. Make room physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Be conscious about letting go of what isn’t working, and be clear with yourself why it isn’t working. Surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed. If you are self-employed or a freelancer, you’ll find support in a Mastermind group. If you need help, ask for it. If you don’t know who to ask, ask the Universe to help (journal, pray, meditate). Answers, solutions, people, and opportunities will always be revealed to one who asks.

What can you do today to begin setting yourself up for success?

Have you prepared yourself for allowing success? How did you do it? Share your observations, comments, and suggestions so others may learn from you.

Are You Stuck in Your Story?

Are you stuck in your story?Regardless of your employment, relationship, or financial status, there is one thing that can make or break your success: The stories you tell yourself about why your life is the way it is today.

We each create our own story, usually empahsized with facts such as where we grew up, what our family is like, where we went to school, and how we got into our current field of work. Our story is how we describe who we are to ourselves and others. It is how we internally define ourselves and the basis from which we vibrate energy out into the world and take action. They play out not only in how we speak about ourselves, but in the actions we take on our behalf. This is why the stories we tell matter in every aspect of our life.

Our stories are the information we tell the people we are just meeting, or friends we’ve known for a long time, and represents the way we feel about ourselves. If you see yourself as a winner, your story reflects that. If you see yourself as a loser or down-on-your-luck, your story reflects that. Which story do you want to reflect?

Your story keeps evolving all throughout your entire life. If you are breathing, right now, you are telling yourself and/or others some story…the question is: Is the story you are telling yourself serving you in a positive way?

Our stories, like most, are affirmations for who and where we are in life. They almost always start with, “I am…”, and contain some ‘neutral facts’:

I am self-employed, and my clients are…

I am so easy-going that I often attract…

I am organized and self-sufficient, which means I tend to…

I am in my current financial situation because…

After the facts are laid out, however, our stories often include generalizations and beliefs we have about ourselves and others that dramatically affect our life experiences. They become negative affirmations, if you will, for things we don’t like about ourselves. Often, these beliefs are not universally true, or even accurate, but we will speak them, think them, and *act on them* as if they are.

Have you ever stopped to look at the “story” you’ve created so far?

Do you tell yourself and others that your life is productive, successful, and happy? Do you include the many successes of your life and why you are a worthwhile human? Do you support your own success, health, and well-being?

Do you make excuses to yourself and others for your results and make those part of your story? Do you blame others for the experiences that you attracted? Do you justify your behaviors as reasons why you can never have what you want? Do you assume your needs cannot be met, so you stop asking? Do you sabotage any potential for success and happiness?

If we are not conscious, the stories we tell ourselves can morph into subtle forms of self-sabotage. By virtue of the Law of Attraction, we naturally attract more of what we think/speak/act upon. If we are telling the same story, over and over, we are attracting the same result repeatedly and that leaves us feeling stuck. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

For example, someone contacted me saying that they were shocked to find their general attitudes described in one of my articles, “Getting Out of the *How* Business”. They thanked me for the insight, and I responded that I was glad the article had been helpful. They responded back saying, “When you are an organized person it’s hard to get over the *how*” . The words they wrote stopped me in my tracks because I knew they did not have to be true. I also knew immediately: This was the story this person had been telling themselves to justify their current experiences. They justified their current struggles by saying it was hard for an organized person to be open to how their life unfolds.

Being a coach at heart, I couldn’t let that comment rest. I had to say something. (spot the story that makes me think that though?)

I responded back asking if it’s really true that being organized makes it hard to get over the *how*, or is this the story they had been telling themselves? If the latter, I suggested they create a new, improved story for themselves that supported their success and happiness.

By asking that question, and pointing out the story, the recipient was able to make a shift. They emailed right back to share how this was helping them move forward.

It can be incredibly liberating to look back over your life and weed out the parts of your story that no longer serve you. If you have been growing in consciousness, who you are today is much more evolved than who you were 10 – 20 – 30 (or more) years ago. You may not be able to physically change what happened, but you certainly don’t need to speak about it, to yourself or others, dredge up all the negative feelings and dwell in that same energy for the rest of your life. You have a choice in fact, LOTS of choices in how you tell your story!

Start where you are, and imagine new improved story about yourself that supports your own success, health, and well-being.

What are your thoughts about the stories you’ve been telling?

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