Managing the Naysayers

Managing the NaysayersHas this happened to you: Feeling good, joyfully setting and working toward goals that delight you when, seemingly out of nowhere, appear the naysayers discouraging your efforts.

Naysayers are the people in our lives finding fault with our decisions, questioning our ideas, and unable to believe in new possibilities.

You can tell a naysayer because they limited the possibilities in their own minds, and are convinced what is true for them is also true for others. They are known for generalized statements such as:

The field is over-saturated.

It’s impossible to succeed.

No one makes money doing that.

You’re going to fail.

I wouldn’t bother, if I was you.

You can’t afford that…

Sound familiar?

Naysayers

Those comments, by the way, are a sampling of what I was told after starting my presentation design business in the 1990s.

It was easy for me to dismiss them because I could really feel in my heart that this was the way to go…and the right time to do it.

Turns out, there was a great need for the services I was providing, and clients sought me out. The first year I replaced my corporate income and the second year I was earning six figures.

I remembered this 18 months later when I envisioned myself buying a new home and found that my real estate agent was, in fact, a naysayer. She didn’t believe in my ability, as a self-employed single parent, to afford a home of my own. Rather than help me find something in my budget, she gave me a map highlighting to the worst part of town (with houses ready to be demolished).

The Blessing in Naysayers

As with all contrast, there is a blessing in having naysayers in our life. They show us what *we* believe. If we are discouraged by naysayers, that reveals how we are not believing in ourselves. Even an inkling of worry or doubt in us will become triggered by the naysayers.

However, if we truly believe in what we are doing, then we cannot be dissuaded no matter what anyone else says or does. Naysayer comments will seem empty or almost comical because we know what we want, and we already feel the strong momentum of our success is underway. Like someone telling a builder it’s impossible to build a building when it’s already framed up and ready to finish.

If we recognize the naysayer for who they are, a person projecting their own fears, doubts, and limited beliefs, then it is easier to forgive them and move past their comments. This is what I did with my naysayer real estate agent.

Rather than argue with her or try to convince her that she was wrong, I recognized that she was just not with the program I had embarked upon. She didn’t see or understand the magic that I was already creating in my life. I mentally patted her on the top of her head, forgave her for not seeing the magic, and went around her to get approved by a mortgage lender and find the property I wanted to purchase. Then, I contacted her again to finalize the purchase.

Some people might have skipped that last step, and found a new agent who believed in them. Because I knew this agent personally, and knew she needed the sale (naysayers often live a difficult life), I wanted to help her out. I also wanted to share the magic I was creating, so she could open her eyes to new possibilities.

Tips for Managing Naysayers

  1. As always, it starts with you: Get clear on your decisions before you discuss them with others. When you are solid in your knowing, clear on what feels best to you, comments from naysayers will not bother you. In some cases, they might even amuse you.
  2. Be choosy. Chances are, you are aware of some naysayers in your life right now. Unless you enjoy conflict, be choosy about who has the privilege of discussing your business decisions with you. Not everyone in your life needs to know every business decision you have made.
  3. Naysayers who are closer to you: Significant other or a business partner, and/or both, who are naysayers really challenge our commitment to our choices. Managing naysayers who live and/or work with us requires us to really be in touch with how we feel, and be willing to own our power to make our own choices. When you know what is important and which decision feels best to you, you’ll be better able to detach yourself from their comments.If your business partner is constantly naysaying, despite your business decisions always working out well, it might be a good idea to renegotiate how you interact. Perhaps you can agree to each make certain decisions without each others approval. Or you might want to find a new business partner.
  4. When you are your own naysayer it is time to go within and figure out what’s going on. If you cannot trust your own ideas and decisions, it’s time to work on your self-love and self-esteem. There is no room for success and well-being when we lack trust in ourselves.
  5. Use the naysayer triggers to look at your own doubts and fears. When someone elses naysaying bothers you, it’s a good indication that you harbor some of those same feelings. Otherwise, their comments wouldn’t trigger you.
  6. Bless the naysayers. Yeah, you read that right: Mentally thank and appreciate the naysayers for either showing you your own doubts and fears, or for revealing how solid you feel on the topic. Either way, they are providing a valuable service, and that deserves some appreciation!

How have you dealt with naysayers? It’s your turn to share how you’ve dealt with the naysayers in your life…comment below so we can all benefit.

Image Credit: pixelbliss

Your Beautiful Power

Dove-Patches-Video

Have you seen this video by Dove?

Showing us in sequence just exactly how powerful our beliefs are in affecting our perceptions, researchers asked women to apply a “Beauty Patch”. They told them what to expect, and asked them to wear the patch as well as keep a video journal. Watch what happened next…

If you are a frequent visitor to this blog, you are probably smiling and nodding your head. The Placebo Effect exhibited in this video is just one of the well-documented examples of how our beliefs can literally change our life experience. Many of us have wondered (more than just out loud), if the Placebo Effect is so effective (at least 30% of all placebos work better than the actual drug being tested), why aren’t we harnessing the power of the placebo with no side effects to heal versus harmful medications? Well, we know the answer from the past…we get to decide the answer for the future. 😉

Actually, many doctors hate the Placebo Effect and think it’s a hindrance drug testing. In fact, the Placebo Effect is so maligned in the medical community that most doctors want to figure out how to ELIMINATE it completely, rather than figure out how to make it work for us so we can take less medications. Imagine how much nations could save in national medical costs if we worked with placebos instead of eliminate them. 😉

Each of these women started the study feeling they needed something outside of them to make them more beautiful, and ended up discovering the deepest truth of life: life is an inside job. What a powerful and beautiful lesson that is!

Now there’s also brain science that can explain how this works. Janette Dalgliesh, the LOA Brain Whisperer, states in her new book, Mastering Your Everyday Superpower:

For me, these concepts lead to one inescapable conclusion: that my reality is unique to me, not just in the sense that it’s my own perception, but in the sense that as I interact with it, there is a two-way flow. I create it through my brain. Sometimes I do that in a self-aware, conscious way, and sometimes I do it in a default, unaware way.

So do you. And so does every human being on the planet.

Amazing, isn’t it? Here’s something else amazing: Mastering Your Everyday Superpower is currently free on Amazon! You want to get your own copy and learn how you can master your own beautiful power.

Disclosure: Because I know Janette Dalgliesh’s work in this area, and believe in the importance of getting this information out to the world, I have chosen to become one of her affiliates. When you make a purchase of Janette’s offerings, you not only benefit from the experience but I am also compensated for sharing this material with you.

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