The Magical Power of Anger

magical

The magical power of anger

That’s right: magical! There’s magic in our ability to transmute our anger, not just for our business but for all aspects of our lives.

Personally, I don’t know any business owner who doesn’t, at least occasionally, experience anger in running their business. One of the hot spots are tricky experiences with vendors.

Ideally, vendors support you in your business so you can fully support your clients and customers with ease. You rely on your vendors, and they become part of what makes you and your business successful.

In worst case scenarios, though, difficult vendor experiences can actually harm or derail your businesses. I don’t need to list the potential difficulties for you…and we don’t need to dwell there, either.

In your anger and frustration with the situation, your instincts might have you making rash decisions you’ll regret and send you scrambling to find alternative providers.

LOA savvy business owners know that is a trap: ‘what we resist, persists’.

Any action you take will reflect the energy with which it was taken. The angry journey reveals an angry result.

If you don’t clean up the anger with one vendor, you’ll just experience similar energy with the next, and the next, and the next. Worse case, that anger will seep into other aspects of your business and cultivate more resentment.

However, when you embrace the magical power within your emotions, you’ll gain understanding of your limiting beliefs, and get clues to resolving not only the current issue, but any future issue, as well!

Navigate tricky vendor relations

The most reliable, and sustainable way, to manage difficult vendor relations is by understanding the energy of your emotions and the magic that is within.

This past week, I was pondering various topics to write for my next blog post, and then I received a gift of an intensely frustrating vendor experience. Don’t you just love when your real-life business hands you such opportunities?

OK, for some of you, that sounds like a ‘trick question’. It’s really not! Aware and savvy business owners learn how to manage their energy and transmute the difficult experiences into growth opportunities.

Now, I don’t go out of my way to seek anger, but over the years I’ve learned about that it’s worth my energy and attention to transmute the anger. Below is yesterday’s story broken down into the steps that helped me do exactly that: Transmute the anger into magic!

The time it takes to work through these steps will depend on your situation, and how long you’ve been practicing these skills.

STEP ONE: FEEL IT, FULLY

When you notice you are angry, give yourself a moment to really feel it in your body. This serves three purposes: 1.) Increases your awareness of your own emotions, 2.) Allows the limiting beliefs and stories (which hold the emotion in place) to surface, and 3.) This is the starting place for transmuting the emotion.

Feel the emotion doesn’t mean dwell there. Or stop there. Or let it derail you. It means allow yourself to feel what you really feel, including all levels of anger and sadness, before you continue with your inner work. Without giving yourself a few minutes to really feel your emotions, you might stuff them and the magical transmutation never has a chance to start.

So, here’s how I applied this step. Late on Monday, I became aware that a vendor had charged me for services I never requested for the second month in a row….and was only just finding out about it. It was too late in the evening to do anything, so I decided to deal with it on Tuesday.

I was so angry about it that when Tuesday morning rolled around, I was ready to fire them on the spot, and see if they had broken industry regulations by not notifying me sooner. The anger in me was so intense that I felt vengeful. I kept wanting to pick up the phone to chew someone’s face off. But each time I started to dial the number, I realized my energy was too intense and I needed to step back before going any further.

STEP TWO: NOTICE THE ‘STORY’

When we’re angry, odds are pretty high that we have a ‘story’ in place that made us angry and keeps us stuck there. In some cases, it’s not just one story, but several ‘stories’…past, present, and even future ones!

Once you’ve properly given yourself some time to feel the feeling, start noticing what story is playing in your head about this situation.

Admittedly, I was so angry yesterday, that I wasn’t able to do this after I became aware of my feelings. In fact, it wasn’t until after I ordered myself to calm down, that I eventually heard myself rehashing the ‘stories’ I had going on: They are really pissing me off! This is so wrong—I won’t let them get away with it! What makes them think they can take advantage of me? I’ve been a good client for them for years, I don’t deserve this! This cannot be legal…I should report them! What kind of slimy business are they running? How many other people are they abusing?

Spot the stories? I had already concluded that they had willingly wronged me and were doing it to others. Feeling victimized. Ready to get revenge! They were running a slimy operation.

Yeah, it was the last one that got my attention. Extremes often show up in ‘stories’ that keep us stuck in anger. In the past, I would have sat down and made a list of these crazy stories so I could address them, one-by-one, but having done this so often…I took mental note and quickly moved to step three.

STEP THREE: QUESTION THE ‘STORY’

Or (multiple) stories. Question them. In my case, I did The Work: Is this really true? Can I absolutely be sure this is true? How do I feel when I think this thought? How would I feel if I didn’t have this story? Turn it around.

For me, the first story being questioned looked like this:
They are really pissing me off!

Is this really true? YES!

Can I absolutely be sure this is true? YES!

How do I feel when I think this thought? UGH! It makes me even angrier!

How would I feel if I didn’t have this thought? I might not be so angry, or I might not be angry at all. I might be calmer and thinking more clearly.

Turn it around: I am pissing them off!; I am pissing myself off!

Oh, yeah…there it is! Truth prevails.

As soon as I stated the second ‘turn around’, I immediately saw how I was the one who was creating my anger and I was blaming them for making me feel angry. No one can make me, or any of us, feel anything unless I/we give them the power to do so.

Just questioning the first story made it easy to de-escalate, and calm down. I started laughing at how I had frothed myself up in anger without having all the details or information. I was already feeling better as I sailed through questioning the other stories that propped up my anger.

STEP FOUR: LET AWARENESS BRING CLARITY

The transmutation was in process! Once I had calmed down, gained awareness by questioning my stories, it became really clear to me: When it came down to it, I didn’t have the full story. I was only seeing ‘my side’ and needed to communicate with the vendor to get the full story.

All I had was a statement showing that they had billed me for non-requested (and un-received) services, and I had allowed myself to stir up my own feelings of anger.

What do I really want to experience? I wanted to speak to the vendor to get the full story, to have my account corrected, and monies refunded.

I grabbed the statement and a piece of paper. At the top of the paper, I wrote the date, the vendor’s name and phone number. Under that, I wrote 3 words to describe how I wanted the situation to unfold:

Calm, Smooth, Easy.

Then, I wrote my objectives:

  • Ask about the statement.
  • Get the account corrected.
  • Get any refund, if applicable.

The magic was activated and ready to launch!

STEP FIVE: TAKE ACTION WITH CLEAN ENERGY

By now, I’ve felt my full emotion, noticed the stories, questioned them, and gotten clear on what I want to transpire and set my intentions. I felt so much calmer, relaxed, and at ease. Knowing that this was all going to work out, I picked up the phone and dialed the number. While it rang, I reminded myself: Calm. Smooth. Easy.

The first person I spoke to couldn’t answer any question and seemed confused. He was reflecting some of my earlier wonky energy. I knew it was time to get my energy clear: I silently re-affirmed Calm, Smooth, and Easy.

As soon as I did this, he transferred me to a second person. I re-explained the problem, and this second guy had answers for ALL my questions! His voice was pleasant and helpful as he pulled up my statement on his computer, saw the charges, then researched the requests which triggered the charges. In a calm and helpful tone, he saw the error (another client’s charges were showing up on my statement), and began apologizing.

“Let me fix this immediately. I am so sorry for this mix-up, and so glad you called!”

A computer error — that explained a lot! Immediately, in just a few minutes, he fixed the error, refunded monies automatically charged, corrected my balance due, asked if he could do anything more, and cheerfully wished me a good day.

Talk about a magical experience! I never had to raise my voice, and was easily able to remain calm during the entire encounter. The experience was smooth and easy, just as I had written down while I was getting clear on my preferred outcome. Doubt that would have been the case had I called earlier in the day when I was so angry!

STEP SIX: REST AND REVIEW

I was smiling when I got off the phone. I had been on quite the magical ’emotional journey’, going from vengeful white-hot angry to calm and satisfied, in just a few hours.

After taking a break, I came back to my office and took stock of what happened. (That’s when it became obvious that writing this post was the next step.) Take the time to learn from your experiences. If you could have done better, take note. If you did a good job, acknowledge yourself.

Without a doubt, I did a REEEAAAAALLLLY good job of feeling my feeling fully. (giggle) Although, it might have served me to notice the stories sooner. Giving myself some ‘space’ so I could, finally, notice the stories…essential to this whole process! So glad I didn’t take action when I was really angry. Very happy that I questioned the stories, and was able to laugh, before getting clear on what I really wanted. Making the call with clear energy and intentions completed the anger-to-magic transmutation.

Come to think of it, if this vendor hadn’t made the mistake to begin with, I wouldn’t have gone on this emotional journey or learned so much about myself in the process…let alone, been able to share it with you. For that, I am very appreciative of that vendor and their mistake. Bless them!

Did this post give you some insights into transmuting your own anger? Or how to work through a sticky vendor, client, or employee situation? If so, share your insights below.

Image Credit: fergregory

Divine Matrix: Mirror, Mirror, All Around

DivMat_cvrIn 2007, Gregg Braden released his book, The Divine Matrix: Bridging Time, Space, Miracles, and Belief. In this science-dense book, he explains how Newton’s discovery of gravity in 1687 launched modern science on a trajectory that has created huge problems in the 20th Century. It turns out that Newtonian Physics can explain large bodies like planets in orbit, but it falls apart when scientists examine smaller particles like atoms.

For smaller matter, scientists have resorted to micron microscopes and the mathematical formulas of Quantum Physics to explain what happens at levels too small for a microscope to see. Scientists have not agreed on a term for the Quantum Field, but Braden’s term for it is the Divine Matrix: an intelligent thought field that is always responding to our thoughts and feelings. There’s no way that one blog post can cover a complete introduction to Quantum Physics, but I highly recommend Gregg’s book if you want more details or suggest you view PBS’s NOVA series The Elegant Universe.

Where ancient texts and indigenous cultures have told us that everything is energy and we are all connected, modern science is only just catching the same clue. Where modern science has barely made this discovery via Quantum Physics, many cultures around the world already know this and have learned how to harness it’s energy for human good including immediate shifts in energy and nearly instant healings.

What does this have to do with the Law of Attraction and Deliberate Creation? A LOT! Of the 20 Keys to Conscious Creation that Braden outlines in his book, the first one is this:

Key 1: The Divine Matrix is the container that holds the universe, the bridge between all things, and the mirror that shows us what we have created.

Everything we experience with our senses is part of the Divine Matrix in response to the energy we are sending out through the electro-magnetic field generated by our hearts. In the Divine Matrix, Braden goes on to say…

Because the Divine Matrix constantly reflects our beliefs, feelings, and emotions through the events of our lives, the everyday world provides insights about the deepest realms of our hidden selves. In our personal mirrors, we’re shown our truest convictions, loves, and fears. The world is a powerful (and often literal) mirror, one that isn’t always easy to face. With complete honesty, life gives us a direct window into the ultimate reality of our beliefs, and sometimes our reflections come to us in ways that we would never expect.

In this way, all of your interactions with everything on this physical plane (people, flora, fauna, and inanimate objects) is a mirror of your own state of consciousness. If you recognize this, you can take responsibility for what you’ve created, stand in your own power, and create a better outcome.

The wise Deliberate Creator uses each irritation and struggle in their life as a window into their own consciousness. They are fearless in looking at their mirrors and recognizing patterns, discovering where their thinking has created an undesirable outcome, and making the necessary adjustments.

You can make great strides if you are willing step out of victimhood and take back your power by accepting responsibility. We can overcome situations that others who are unaware of the Divine Matrix might deem impossible or too difficult.

We can heal our physical bodies. We can release our error thoughts that create negative outcomes. We can lovingly confront the parts of ourselves reflected in difficult relationships. If we choose not to consciously address those issues, they will just continue show up over and over and over again in noticeable patterns until we take the time to do the inner work.

When people tell me there is someone in their life they don’t like and they ask me how to use the Law of Attraction (LOA) to remove them, the fastest way is always: stop blaming the mirror and look within yourself.

If you were standing in front of a mirror wearing a red dress that you didn’t like, how much sense would it be to yell at the mirror about the dress?  The same way an image in the mirror will not change until you “change”, our own consciousness must change internally to see the change reflected back to us externally. This is why all the ancient texts and gurus have told us to heal ourselves first. As soon as we address and heal our own consciousness, what is mirrored back to us must change.

If you insist on blaming others for anything, you give them all of your power to change and keep yourself in a state of victimhood. Victims have no ability to regain their power. If you are unwilling to let go of blame and do the inner work, you can remain mired in the difficulty for the rest of your life.

The Divine Matrix is the mirror all around you, the intelligent, responsive field that some call God, Christ Consciousness, All That Is, or Source Energy. The name you give it does not “matter”. How you choose to interact with your mirrors truly does!

I’d love to know what you think about the Divine Matrix “mirror”. Please share your thoughts and comments below.

Effective Solopreneur: Getting Personal with Your Business

Getting Personal with BusinessWhen I was a kid, one of the most common phrases I heard was, “It’s not personal, it’s business!” Of course, like any kid, I soaked up that message in the media and movies, believing that somehow business relationships were vastly *different* than, and separate from, personal relationships. The message was that to be successful in growing a business, one must also be cold, ruthless, and uninvolved.

Then, I started my own businesses and realized that concept was way off the mark!

In every single business, what has brought the fastest and most sustainable success has been developing and nurturing *the relationships*. Relationships with new and existing clients. Relationships with potential clients. Relationships with vendors. Relationships with fellow service providers. Relationships with providers of complimentary services. Relationships with fellow associates and networkers.

Running and growing a successful business is pretty much ONE BIG relationship-fest, all of which is very personal!

Clients do not hire unless they feel you will deliver on your promises. Vendors do not support your business unless they feel you will deliver on your promises. Associates do not refer you to others unless they feel you will deliver on your promises.

Realize that you are also a client, a vendor and an associate to other business owners. Yes, healthy and successful business relationships are a two-way street.

When clients feel heard, treated with respect and appreciated, they want to do business with you. When vendors feel heard, treated with respect and appreciated, they want to do business with you. When associates feel heard, treated with respect and appreciated, they want to do business with you.

Is that really different from any other relationship? Don’t we all want to feel heard, treated with respect and appreciated?

Along the way, I’ve heard a lot of advice regarding business relationships. One of the most helpful was actually focused on human relationships in general, and I applied it to business: Jack Canfield said that it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to appreciate you. Holding that expectation sets us up for disappointment and resentment which poison our relationships with others.

However, he also said…

When you walk into any room: Approximately 25% of the people in the room will like you immediately before you even speak. Approximately 25% of the people in the room will dislike you immediately before you even speak. And, the remaining 50% of the people in the room could care less, either way.

Applying Jack’s point to business, I realized this: Give your attention and energy to the clients (potential, new and existing), vendors, and associates who naturally appreciate you and your services.

Stop trying to impress the unimpressable. Release the need-to-please the unpleasable. Let the unhappy ones go about finding those service providers with whom they naturally connect so they have a chance of being happier.

Set your intention to work with clients who appreciate and value your products and services.
Let it be OK that it’s not 100% of the people and businesses on the planet. Trust me, with 25% of the businesses appreciating you, you will do very well! Plus, because you are happier, those 25% will hire you more and refer you more to like-minded business owners.

If you’ve got existing clients who never seem happy, who are always complaining, it’s time to have a talk with them. If you have had a happy client suddenly shift into an unhappy one, take the time to find out if it’s a temporary or permanent issue. If there is no way to fully support the client in a way that’s enjoyable for you, it’s OK to encourage them to find another resource. That’s my diplomatic way of saying fire the client. Someday, they’ll thank you!

Following this process of focusing only on the clients who truly appreciate you, and letting go of those who don’t, allows you to savor the happy relationships with clients, vendors, and associations while having more fun in your day-to-day business! Successful and happy business owners take the time to get to know and support their clients, vendors and fellow associates. They also appreciate clients, vendors, and associates who support them. Are you one of those clients, vendors and associates?

It’s your turn to share your stories and thoughts in the comments below. What is one step you can take today to focus on the clients who appreciate and value you?

I’m Spiritual, Not a Doormat

Here’s an issue I’ve been wanting to blog about for quite a while: How nurturing and supportive are your relationships (partners, spouses, friends, clients, etc.)?

If you are on a spiritual path, sooner or later, it’s possible you have encountered people interpreting your being spiritual as  reasons to treat you like a doormat!

How the mistreatment manifests is varied, and not worth posting here. The bottom line is, if people are constantly expecting you to give in, let go, forgive their continual bad behavior, and accuse you of not being spiritual when you establish healthy boundaries, they are treating you like a doormat.

No, being on a spiritual path, leading your life with love and kindness is a choice. If others decide to take advantage of your kindness, it’s time to turn more love and kindness toward yourself.

Sometimes others might mistake this gentle kindness for a willingness– even an acceptance –to be mistreated or disrespected. No matter what they dish out, you seem unruffled and respond with kindness and understanding …AGAIN.

Sure, we all know someone who is going through a tough time right now and could use our kindness and understanding. But if the relationship is about you always giving, and never receiving in return, it’s time for a change.

Being spiritual does not make you another person’s doormat!

Unless…of course, you keep allowing it to be so.

Before I was conscious of this dynamic in some of my relationships,  I regularly allowed others to treat me like a doormat. Really, I cannot blame others because I never set appropriate boundaries, and then I allowed the situations to continue even though they were very distressing to me.

However, when I became more conscious and began setting boundaries, the majority didn’t like the new terms. It was so much easier behaving badly and having me take the slack in the relationship.

Trouble is, we do *teach* others how to treat us. When we have trained someone to be less than respectful or mistreat us for a long period of time, they get used to it. Then, they get resistant to changing when we decide to set a boundary that prohibits their behaviors.

This is in addition to folks who do not want to see us grow spiritually, raising our own vibration, this can make lower vibrating people uncomfortable with our expansion. Unless we choose to limit ourselves, and remain stuck where they are, there’s no real way around this: We are vibrating out of the lower energies, into the higher ones, and that means loving ourselves enough to let go of the draining relationships.

As we do this, the lower vibing folks often will not want to see our growth. They often see our progression as a threat and begin unconsciously attacking and/or finding fault with our choices. In order for them to feel *right*, we have to be *wrong* in their eyes. A very common response among the low-vibers. Heaven forbid they actually look at their own behavior and apologize. (gasp!) Then, they wouldn’t be so low-vibing…

Best way to deal with this? Be the bigger person. Flow them love. Wish them well. Let go. Move on.

Every one of us are spiritual beings living a physical life, experiencing our own spiritual journey, at our own pace. Those you’ve had to leave behind may catch up…or go a different direction. What they choose for themselves is not your business (and vice versa).

Your place is to love and appreciate yourself fully, including setting healthy boundaries for mutually appreciative  and respectful relationships. So, assess your relationships, set your boundaries, and choose to love yourself!

Your turn! Does this post ring a bell for you? Please share your comments, insights, and stories below…

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