Taking Full Responsibility for Your Energy

responsibilityIf you listen closely, you can hear the sound of humans all over the planet getting sucked into the negative energy vortex created by those who are not taking responsibility for their own energy. If you doubt me, just check our our media. Examples of this phenomena are ever-present.

But they don’t have to be. We have the power within us to change the dynamic.

Responsibility is Owning Our Own Power

Whether you live or work with someone who is continually contentious and angry, or routinely playing the victim role, we have a choice in our response. While we are not responsible for other’s energy choices or how they perceive us, we are always responsible for our own energy, and therefore, our response.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor spoke in her TEDx talk and book, My Stroke of Insight, about her experience feeling the energy of every person who entered her room while she was recovering from a stroke at the age of 37. Even if people tried to hide their emotions, she could still feel it, and she wished there was a sign on the door asking people to take responsibility for their energy before entering the room.

responsibilityImagine if we all saw this sign, and remembered to take responsibility for our own energy?!?

When we’re paying attention, all of us can feel the energy of others, although empaths and those in physical recovery may feel it even more deeply. If you’re unconscious about your own energy, then you’ll likely also be unconscious of the influence of other’s energy.

The question is whether you will maintain control of your own energy, or allow other’s energy momentum to overpower you?

To me, this is among the most important energy work we do as humans, let alone as business owners. Refusing to take responsibility for your responses means you are more likely to be sucked into other people’s negativity and get stuck in what I call The Drama Trap.

Other people may not choose to take responsibility, and that’s their business, anyway. But that doesn’t stop *you* from taking responsibility for yourself. All peace, inner and outer, starts within as each of us chooses to take responsibility for our own energy and behavior.

Responsibility Starts with Awareness

Awareness of your own triggers is the first step in healing them. Taking full responsibility for your energy doesn’t mean condoning other people’s inappropriate behaviors. It DOES mean doing your own inner work: Connect to the energy inside of you, get clear on who you really are, become aware of your triggers, and cleaning up that energy so you are no longer so easily triggered.

responsibilityThe fact is, if someone said you had blue hair, you’d laugh it off because you know it’s ridiculous. But, when someone says something you might internally question or doubt or fear, that is how you get triggered. It’s much easier to take responsibility and stay out of the negativity than it is once you’ve been sucked into the trap.

The best news about becoming aware of triggers and traps, is that now they can be healed. Appreciate your powerful and transformative ability to use the awareness for your own inner growth!!! Remember that without the awareness, healing could not take place.

When I recognize my own triggers, I’ve learned to BLESS the trigger, and the ones who trigger me, then do my inner work to clear the underlying story(ies) that keep(s) the trigger alive. Awareness itself is a powerful healer, and blessing the trigger begins the process of releasing the underlying story.

OK, now it’s your turn…How do you take responsibility for your own energy? Click comment and share below what you’ve learned from this process.

Image Credits: (Top) Barry-Jansson & Associates
with background image from Natalia Gesto,
(Middle) SuperSoul.tv, and (Bottom)
Dr. Catherine Ponder’s Twitter FEED

I’m Spiritual, Not a Doormat

Here’s an issue I’ve been wanting to blog about for quite a while: How nurturing and supportive are your relationships (partners, spouses, friends, clients, etc.)?

If you are on a spiritual path, sooner or later, it’s possible you have encountered people interpreting your being spiritual as  reasons to treat you like a doormat!

How the mistreatment manifests is varied, and not worth posting here. The bottom line is, if people are constantly expecting you to give in, let go, forgive their continual bad behavior, and accuse you of not being spiritual when you establish healthy boundaries, they are treating you like a doormat.

No, being on a spiritual path, leading your life with love and kindness is a choice. If others decide to take advantage of your kindness, it’s time to turn more love and kindness toward yourself.

Sometimes others might mistake this gentle kindness for a willingness– even an acceptance –to be mistreated or disrespected. No matter what they dish out, you seem unruffled and respond with kindness and understanding …AGAIN.

Sure, we all know someone who is going through a tough time right now and could use our kindness and understanding. But if the relationship is about you always giving, and never receiving in return, it’s time for a change.

Being spiritual does not make you another person’s doormat!

Unless…of course, you keep allowing it to be so.

Before I was conscious of this dynamic in some of my relationships,  I regularly allowed others to treat me like a doormat. Really, I cannot blame others because I never set appropriate boundaries, and then I allowed the situations to continue even though they were very distressing to me.

However, when I became more conscious and began setting boundaries, the majority didn’t like the new terms. It was so much easier behaving badly and having me take the slack in the relationship.

Trouble is, we do *teach* others how to treat us. When we have trained someone to be less than respectful or mistreat us for a long period of time, they get used to it. Then, they get resistant to changing when we decide to set a boundary that prohibits their behaviors.

This is in addition to folks who do not want to see us grow spiritually, raising our own vibration, this can make lower vibrating people uncomfortable with our expansion. Unless we choose to limit ourselves, and remain stuck where they are, there’s no real way around this: We are vibrating out of the lower energies, into the higher ones, and that means loving ourselves enough to let go of the draining relationships.

As we do this, the lower vibing folks often will not want to see our growth. They often see our progression as a threat and begin unconsciously attacking and/or finding fault with our choices. In order for them to feel *right*, we have to be *wrong* in their eyes. A very common response among the low-vibers. Heaven forbid they actually look at their own behavior and apologize. (gasp!) Then, they wouldn’t be so low-vibing…

Best way to deal with this? Be the bigger person. Flow them love. Wish them well. Let go. Move on.

Every one of us are spiritual beings living a physical life, experiencing our own spiritual journey, at our own pace. Those you’ve had to leave behind may catch up…or go a different direction. What they choose for themselves is not your business (and vice versa).

Your place is to love and appreciate yourself fully, including setting healthy boundaries for mutually appreciative  and respectful relationships. So, assess your relationships, set your boundaries, and choose to love yourself!

Your turn! Does this post ring a bell for you? Please share your comments, insights, and stories below…

Cultivating Self-Love

In the latest Co=Creation Cafe, Prosperity Coach Joan Sotkin talks about “It’s NOT About the Money: The Inner Work of Lasting Financial
Well-Being”. In her closing comments, she recommends two important things to the listener. One of them is learning to love yourself, and
self-love is what this post will focus upon.
It would be a very long post if I wrote about ALL the things you can do to cultivate self-love, so let me just hit the high points. Feel free to
share any additional ideas or comments below.
Talk to anyone who has spent time on personal growth and they will tell you: At the basis of every problem (health, wealth, relationships, etc.)
is a lack of self-love.  Louise Hay discovered this when she was doing 1:1 consulting. When we take the time to address this one aspect of
our life, we begin to shift everything for the better.
That said, what does it *mean* to love yourself?
Think of how you feel when you love a pet, a child, or a good friend? How do you feel when you see them? What efforts do you take to help
them or make their life more enjoyable? Do you do the same for yourself?
Self-care is one way that we show self-love to ourselves. For example, we can make time for:
• Regular exercise to keep your body-temple functioning at it’s best
• Daily meditation or quiet contemplation
• Eating healthy sit-down meals
• Taking breaks for deep breathing~from your belly, not shallow breathing from your chest
• Getting to sleep at a regular time, and the right amount of sleep for you to be at your best
• Doing something fun every day~laughter is a powerful medicine
• Counting your blessings (on paper or in your mind) every day
There are countless ways to embrace self-care. Share your favorites in the comments below.
We also show ourselves self-love when we are clear about how we will allow others to treat us. Take a look around your world and notice the
people you respect the most. How do they allow others to treat them? Which of those examples feel *good* to you? Are you doing them
already? If not, consider establishing your boundaries and how you will maintain them.
As I have grown my social network, I have come across some really wonderful, enlightened souls. Unfortunately, I have also come across a
few posers: Those who pretend for the world that they are enlightened, even make their living teaching others, then treat people they see as a
threat with incredible disrespect and lack of kindness. I have empathy for these people, because I realize their actions come from their fears
and lack of self-love.
When someone treats me poorly the first time, I forgive and forget. Hey, we’re all human. Bad days happen. Apologies are accepted.
However, if it happens a second time, I am on alert. This shows me that this person may have a pattern of treating others with negatively to
temporarily feel better.
As a coach, I’ve noticed more than one client *picking a fight* with me just as they are at the point of making a huge shift. See, when someone
is fearful of change, it’s sometimes easier to find fault or lay blame on another person than it is to stand in our power, face the fear, and make
the shift. When a client does this, I know they are not ready to make a change. I understand that.
However, when someone calls me their friend and then makes a habit of treating me poorly, it’s time for me to send them love and move on.
Sure, I could spend time explaining why their behavior is unacceptable, but in my experience~if this is truly their pattern~they will just keep
repeating the pattern. It’s not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN. If they can mistreat someone 3 times, they can just as easily do it 300 or
300,000 times.
Dr. Phil says, “We teach people how to treat us.” While I am a very understanding and tolerant person, I’ve learned that no one else will teach
others how to treat me with love and respect. Part of cultivating self-love is making the conscious decision to establish our own boundaries
and then maintain them. We can be loving, understanding, even forgiving, without being a doormat for the ongoing bad behaviors of a few.
What this does is send a powerful message to your inner-self:
• I love myself
• I am deserving of love from myself and others
• I care enough to only allow those who are aligned with that love
• I do not accept poor treatment from myself or others
• I surround myself with people who support and appreciate me
• If I encounter those who are unkind, I bless with love and move on
That’s enough for now. It’s your turn: How do you cultivate self-love? Has this post given you ideas for yourself? If so, please share below so
visitors can learn from your wisdom.

In the November 2009  Co=Creation Cafe, Prosperity Coach Joan Sotkin discusses “It’s NOT About the Money: The Inner Work of Lasting Financial Well-Being“. In her closing comments, she recommends two important things to the listener. One of them is learning to love yourself…and self-love is what this post will focus upon.

It would be a very long post if I wrote about ALL the things you can do to cultivate self-love, so let me just hit the high points. Feel free to share any additional ideas or comments below.

Talk to anyone who has spent time on personal growth and they will tell you: At the basis of every problem (health, wealth, relationships, etc.) is a lack of self-love. Louise Hay discovered this when she was doing 1:1 consulting. When we take the time to address this one aspect of our life, we begin to shift everything for the better.

That said, what does it really *mean* to love yourself? How does one cultivate self-love?

Think of how you feel when you love a pet, a child, or a good friend? How do you feel when you see them? What efforts do you take to help them or make their life more enjoyable? Do you extend the same courtesies to yourself? Part of being a Deliberate Creator is to align your vibration with the Divine Source of All-That-Is~the loving energy that is the basis of everything we experience with our multiple-senses.

Self-care is an important way that we exhibit and cultivate self-love. For example, we can make time for:

> Regular exercise to keep your body-temple functioning at it’s best

> Daily meditation or quiet contemplation

> Eating healthy sit-down meals

> Consciously choosing supportive thoughts/beliefs (affirmations, visualizations)

> Taking breaks for deep breathing~from your belly, not shallowly from your chest

> Getting to sleep at a regular time, and the right amount of sleep for you to be at your best

> Doing something fun every day~laughter is a powerful medicine

> Counting your blessings (on paper or in your mind) often and regularly

This is just a short-list. There are countless ways to embrace self-care. If you’d like more information, listen to the February and March 2009 Co=Creation Cafe Calls about Nurturing Your Most Important Relationship (Parts I & II). Have favorites of your own? Be sure to share them in the comments below.

We also show ourselves self-love when we are clear about how we will allow others to treat us. Take a look around your world and notice the people you respect the most. How do they allow others to treat them? Which of those examples feel *good* to you? Are you doing them already? If not, consider establishing your boundaries and deciding how you will maintain them.

As I have grown my social network, I have come across some really wonderful, enlightened souls. Unfortunately, I have also come across a few posers: Those who pretend for the world that they are enlightened, even make their living teaching others, then treat people they see as a threat with incredible disrespect and lack of kindness. I have empathy for these people, because I realize their actions ultimately come from their fears and lack of self-love.

When someone treats me poorly the first time, I forgive and forget. Hey, we’re all human. Bad days happen. Apologies are accepted.

However, if it happens a second time, I am on alert. This shows me that this person may have a pattern of treating others negatively in order to temporarily feel better.

As a coach, I’ve noticed more than one client *picking a fight* with me just as they are at the point of making a huge shift. See, when someone is fearful of change, it’s sometimes easier to find fault or lay blame on another person than it is to stand in our power, face the fear, and make the shift. When a client does this, I know they are not ready to make a change. I understand that. Usually, they are looking for an easy exit, and picking a fight is easier than saying, “I don’t think I’m ready just yet. Can we take a break?”

However, when someone calls me their friend and then makes a habit of treating me poorly, it’s time for me to send them love and move on.

Sure, I could spend time explaining why their behavior is unacceptable, but in my experience they usually don’t want to hear this truth, AND~if this is truly their pattern~they will just keep repeating the pattern. It’s not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN. If they can mistreat someone 3 times, they can just as easily do it 300 or 300,000 times.

I don’t quote Dr. Phil often, but I do agree when he says, “We teach people how to treat us.” While I am a very understanding and tolerant person, I’ve learned that no one else (except me) will teach others how to treat me with love and respect. Therefore, part of cultivating self-love is making the conscious decision to establish our own boundaries and then consciously maintain them. We can be loving, understanding, even forgiving, without being a doormat for the ongoing bad behaviors of a few.

When we consciously set boundaries and then maintain them, we send a powerful message to our inner-self:

> I love and respect myself

> I am deserving of love and respect from myself and others

> I care enough to only allow those who are aligned with my own love and respect

> I do not accept poor treatment from myself or others

> I take responsibility for loving, respecting, and protecting myself

> I surround myself with people who love, respect, support and appreciate me

> If I encounter those who are unkind, I bless them with love and move on

That’s enough for now. It’s your turn: How do you cultivate self-love? Has this post given you ideas for yourself? If so, please share below so visitors can learn from your wisdom.

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