Romancing the Struggle

romancing the struggleIn my work with creative and healing business owners, I’ve noticed that some people really enjoy experiencing struggle. Where none exists, they’ll create some to ensure there is plenty to go around.

For these people, struggle makes them feel more alive, satisfying their need to complain, push against someone/something, and ‘have an enemy’ to confront.

Some are wired this way, and those who are not have subconsciously succumbed to the belief that there is no other choice—and they don’t question that thinking. Fighting amid the struggle allows them to justify the belief that nothing good comes without a struggle.

Romancing the Struggle

I know because a while back, I was among the unconsciously struggling group. I didn’t enjoy the struggles, but everyone around me was parroting that ‘life is hard’, ‘making money is a struggle’, ‘we all have to settle; no one can get what they want’. I listened to and believed their complaints and worries and fears, and never once did I question those thoughts.

At the time, I didn’t even realize I had a choice! I didn’t realize my own power to create struggle or create ease.

It took me a long time to realize that life was merely mirroring what I claimed to be true. I not only had a choice, but I could question the ‘life is a struggle’ thinking, and I could make room for ease and flow in my business…and every area of my life.

Bottom line: Your life and your business are only as difficult as you decide they are.

We decide each time we observe ‘what is’ and label it ‘the way it will always be’. Or observe others in struggle and claim ‘that will happen to me, too’. We can decide something different at any point, but only we can do it for ourselves.

If you enjoy romancing the struggle, then I’ll leave you to it. This post isn’t really for you, so you’re excused..carry on and have fun.

Ready to Start Romancing the Ease?

Here’s what you can do if you are ready to experience more ease and flow:

1. Decide to let go of your struggle romance. – Nothing can change until you decide you are ready to let that go. Write your struggle romance a break-up letter. Thank it for what it has taught you, and tell it goodbye. Then, get ready to make a new commitment. From time-to-time, you may benefit from re-committing to this decision when you find yourself slipping back into bad habits of struggle.

2. Make a new commitment. – Intend to experience more ease, flow, fun, and joy. Some people find it supportive to craft and use affirmations every day reminding them of that ease, which helps them move forward. Become a regular visitor to Easy World. Visualize the ease you’d like to experience. Tune into how you’d like to feel when all is said and done.

3. Question your thinking. – Once you’ve made the decision and commitment, start consciously choosing to shift your thinking into alignment.

What’s ‘in alignment’ mean?
• Thoughts that feel good are in alignment with committing to more ease and flow.
• Conversely, thoughts that feel bad are not in alignment with committing to more ease and flow.

When you find yourself spinning on a subject, getting caught in struggle, look at the underlying belief and apply The Work: Is this true? Can I absolutely be sure it’s true? How do I feel when I think this thought? Who would I be without this thought?

4. Increase your awareness of the physical feelings in your body. – The body compass can tell us way more than our mind, if we’re willing to listen to the messages. If you are stuck in your brain, chances are very good that you are obsessing rather than resolving your struggles.

Get still, become aware of your breath, feel your arms, hands, legs, feet, chest. Notice your heartbeat. As you sense your body, the thinking centers of the brain turn off. Notice where the tension is, and let it go. Notice where you feel tight, or have sensations like aches or pains or itching. Awareness of these sensations is not only healing, but opens space for old, stuck issues to come to the surface. This is an ongoing practice.

5. Find time every day to meditate and relax. – Brain science shows us that our best thinking happens when we’re relaxed, not when we’re stressed. Just 5 minutes a day of relaxed awareness on the breath begins to rewire our brain to be less reactive. There is a reason some successful companies require their executive staff to meditate regularly. You will be amazed by the health and mental well-being benefits of this one step, alone!

6. Look for ways to romance the ease already existing in your life. – Some people find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal, or an evidence journal, or a hybrid of both, to record the good, the ease, the miracles showing up in their life…and it’s a good way to become more aware of the ease already flowing.

7. Talk, Write, Think, and Act As If. – Put your new story of ease and flow into practice. Talk about the ease in your life. Write about the ease and flow. Think about (and give thanks for) the ease and flow in your life and business. Walk, drive, eat, and behave like a person who is immersed in ease. Be the business owner who embraces ease.

Now it’s your turn: Are you ready to let go of the struggle and begin romancing the ease? Have you already made the shift? Share your stories below…

Image credit: niserin

Law of Attraction and Advice: What happened?

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Has this ever happened to you…

You are so thrilled about a product or service, in your joy, you spontaneously shared your appreciation with your friends. Then, several of those friends choose to try out the same product or service, but a certain few always end up finding fault where you only found pure joy and appreciation?

Or, conversely, have you been so inspired by a friend’s endorsement that you raced out to purchase the product or service, only to be shocked at how bad it was?

What on Earth happened?

Seriously, how could the same product or service be received in such vastly different ways?

Law of Attraction lined each person up with their dominant energy flow. Like it always does, whether we acknowledge the power of Law of Attraction in our life, or not.

Those who love the product or service are vibrationally aligned to appreciate the experience, possibly ignoring or not being bothered by aspects that would frustrate others. The dissatisfied parties are not vibrationally aligned with appreciation, possibly being unconsciously triggered by many aspects without understanding why.

As long as you are taking responsibility for your own alignment choices, all is well. Nothing ‘bad’ happened, unless you have labeled it so.

If you are finding yourself unhappy with a product or service that someone else enthusiastically referred…check your own alignment.

How are you really feeling, in general and about these products/services?

Where or when have you felt this way before?

Sitting with your feelings and answering those questions may begin to help you unravel the source so you can shed some (conscious) light upon it and begin shifting your own vibration. It’s OK to ask for help if you get stuck.

Appreciation, or lack thereof, can become a habit. Especially for people who harbor an unconscious story that ‘nothing works for me’ or ‘I never get what I want’. Until they recognize this unconscious belief and the patterns it has created, they will go through life blaming experiences and others for things not working out, or never getting what they want.

I know, because I have been one of those people.

It wasn’t until I was old enough to experience a few cycles of the same people, same situations, same disappointments that I was able to begin to recognize the common theme and the underlying emotion. As I did the work to unravel, I discovered the old stories that were running unconsciously and driving my vibration on a wide variety of topics. The good news is that if I can work through this, so can you.

So, when you hear someone enthusiastically referring a product or service, check in with yourself before taking any action. It can be so intoxicating witnessing another’s enthusiasm and appreciation that we forget to follow our own guidance.

Check in with these questions:

A. Why would I be interested or not interested?

B. Will this help me meet a need and am I really willing to receive a solution?

C. Do I harbor doubts? If so, why?

D. Does the idea of purchasing this product or service feel light and joyful to me? If not, it’s time to dig deeper.

When a solution feels fully light and joyful, that’s a good time to move forward by finding out more information. As you do, notice how you feel.

Your Emotional Guidance System is always giving you the best advice and showing you where you are on the emotional / vibrational scale. Notice how you are really feeling, emotionally and inside your body, then follow that inner guidance before taking action suggested by others. Over time, you’ll begin to feel the right answer for you the very moment you hear about a product or service.

Oh, and one more thing: Don’t be surprised if something feels off at one point in your life and later down the road, it feels just right. Your preferences do change as your consciousness grows, which is always happening, even if you are not yet aware.

 

 

Image copyright: Stuart Miles

Have You Been Stoking the ‘Need’?

Are you Stoking the NEEDYears ago, I knew someone who used to call me every few hours insisting that she ‘needed me’ to solve the crisis-of-the-moment. In reality, none of these crises actually existed, except in this person’s mind. Despite being fully capable of handling these crises herself, she had convinced herself that I was the *only* person who could help.

Initially, I spent copious time patiently reassuring her and answering her same questions over and over and over. Talking to her positively, encouraging her to see the bigger picture. Meanwhile, I kept wondering WHY this particular person constantly  calling with dramatic stories of needing rescue.

Then, it dawned on me.

This was a common pattern for this gal. Despite being fully qualified in many ways, she had convinced herself that she wasn’t…and that she needed others to rescue her…everyday! She was clearly carrying a story around that must have been something like:

OH, NO…I don’t think I can handle this. This is too hard! I’m not capable or smart enough to figure this out. I don’t want to be alone with this [fill in the blank problem] because there’s NO WAY I can figure it out myself. Someone else has to help me! OMG – HELP! CRISIS! DISASTER LOOMS…HELP…HELP!!!

While she unconsciously stoked the feelings of urgency, crisis, lack and ‘need’ within herself,  it was manifesting in her outer world…or, rather it appeared to her as manifesting. To me, she seemed to be anticipating problems more than actually experiencing them. Law of Attraction was lining her up with experiences that would make her right.  How we show up in the world reflects our self-talk and deepest inner beliefs.

As I type this, and reflect back on this time in my life, this person was also a mirror for me to see my own ‘need to rescue’. Since like vibrations cohere, Law of Attraction was responding to my need by lining me up with someone who needed to be rescued.

In the beginning, I was happy to be of assistance. But over time, it was no longer fun for me to interact with this friend only in this way. In fact, it was downright exhausting and it was not a functional friendship since I was only called to put out fires, not to relate as a friend.

Do you recognize yourself in either of these examples?

If you like this experience, by all means, keep creating it! If you don’t then in order for Law of Attraction to deliver something different, you have to be willing to shift your energy. That sounds tricky, but it’s not as difficult as you might think.

First, start telling a different story. Even if it’s just a softer version of the story you’ve been telling yourself, begin anew. This friend might have started by shifting her self-talk to something like, I usually like to have help, but I am a capable adult…I wonder how much of this I can resolve on my own. If I can’t figure it out by [date], then I will ask around. Then, taking any actions that she felt guided to take that aligned with the new story.

If telling the new story feels too hard, or brings up lower energies of fear, worry, and doubt, it can be helpful to use a tool like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to address those feelings and begin to clear them before you start telling a new story.

The new story I actually told myself to shift out of this experience was I appreciate and cultivate healthy, functional friendships with kind people who are capable and helpful. Abraham has said, when we shift our own energy, our experience must shift in response. In fact, other people may meet us in the new vibration, or they may vibrate right out of our experience. In this particular situation, the person seemed to magically stop calling me, and eventually we lost touch. As I let go of the ‘need to rescue’, this person may have lost the need for help or may have connected with someone else who ‘needed to rescue’.

Second, remember times in your past when you exhibited capability. Chances are, you have many, but may not give them much mental attention. Change that now…close your eyes, remember those times, and feel how it feels in your body. Remember this feeling so you can call it up when feeling capable is desired.

Third, look without attachment for evidence that your new story is materializing. In other words, release attachment but allow the evidence to reveal itself to you.

Finally, practice. The next time you are feeling needy, remember this is a golden opportunity to practice a new vibration. Practice makes perfect, so remember the new story and implement it. Call up the memories from the past, and remember the evidence all around you.

Got an experience with this? Share your story in the comments below…

 

 

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