Romancing the Struggle

romancing the struggleIn my work with creative and healing business owners, I’ve noticed that some people really enjoy experiencing struggle. Where none exists, they’ll create some to ensure there is plenty to go around.

For these people, struggle makes them feel more alive, satisfying their need to complain, push against someone/something, and ‘have an enemy’ to confront.

Some are wired this way, and those who are not have subconsciously succumbed to the belief that there is no other choice—and they don’t question that thinking. Fighting amid the struggle allows them to justify the belief that nothing good comes without a struggle.

Romancing the Struggle

I know because a while back, I was among the unconsciously struggling group. I didn’t enjoy the struggles, but everyone around me was parroting that ‘life is hard’, ‘making money is a struggle’, ‘we all have to settle; no one can get what they want’. I listened to and believed their complaints and worries and fears, and never once did I question those thoughts.

At the time, I didn’t even realize I had a choice! I didn’t realize my own power to create struggle or create ease.

It took me a long time to realize that life was merely mirroring what I claimed to be true. I not only had a choice, but I could question the ‘life is a struggle’ thinking, and I could make room for ease and flow in my business…and every area of my life.

Bottom line: Your life and your business are only as difficult as you decide they are.

We decide each time we observe ‘what is’ and label it ‘the way it will always be’. Or observe others in struggle and claim ‘that will happen to me, too’. We can decide something different at any point, but only we can do it for ourselves.

If you enjoy romancing the struggle, then I’ll leave you to it. This post isn’t really for you, so you’re excused..carry on and have fun.

Ready to Start Romancing the Ease?

Here’s what you can do if you are ready to experience more ease and flow:

1. Decide to let go of your struggle romance. – Nothing can change until you decide you are ready to let that go. Write your struggle romance a break-up letter. Thank it for what it has taught you, and tell it goodbye. Then, get ready to make a new commitment. From time-to-time, you may benefit from re-committing to this decision when you find yourself slipping back into bad habits of struggle.

2. Make a new commitment. – Intend to experience more ease, flow, fun, and joy. Some people find it supportive to craft and use affirmations every day reminding them of that ease, which helps them move forward. Become a regular visitor to Easy World. Visualize the ease you’d like to experience. Tune into how you’d like to feel when all is said and done.

3. Question your thinking. – Once you’ve made the decision and commitment, start consciously choosing to shift your thinking into alignment.

What’s ‘in alignment’ mean?
• Thoughts that feel good are in alignment with committing to more ease and flow.
• Conversely, thoughts that feel bad are not in alignment with committing to more ease and flow.

When you find yourself spinning on a subject, getting caught in struggle, look at the underlying belief and apply The Work: Is this true? Can I absolutely be sure it’s true? How do I feel when I think this thought? Who would I be without this thought?

4. Increase your awareness of the physical feelings in your body. – The body compass can tell us way more than our mind, if we’re willing to listen to the messages. If you are stuck in your brain, chances are very good that you are obsessing rather than resolving your struggles.

Get still, become aware of your breath, feel your arms, hands, legs, feet, chest. Notice your heartbeat. As you sense your body, the thinking centers of the brain turn off. Notice where the tension is, and let it go. Notice where you feel tight, or have sensations like aches or pains or itching. Awareness of these sensations is not only healing, but opens space for old, stuck issues to come to the surface. This is an ongoing practice.

5. Find time every day to meditate and relax. – Brain science shows us that our best thinking happens when we’re relaxed, not when we’re stressed. Just 5 minutes a day of relaxed awareness on the breath begins to rewire our brain to be less reactive. There is a reason some successful companies require their executive staff to meditate regularly. You will be amazed by the health and mental well-being benefits of this one step, alone!

6. Look for ways to romance the ease already existing in your life. – Some people find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal, or an evidence journal, or a hybrid of both, to record the good, the ease, the miracles showing up in their life…and it’s a good way to become more aware of the ease already flowing.

7. Talk, Write, Think, and Act As If. – Put your new story of ease and flow into practice. Talk about the ease in your life. Write about the ease and flow. Think about (and give thanks for) the ease and flow in your life and business. Walk, drive, eat, and behave like a person who is immersed in ease. Be the business owner who embraces ease.

Now it’s your turn: Are you ready to let go of the struggle and begin romancing the ease? Have you already made the shift? Share your stories below…

Image credit: niserin

Believing in the Power of Possibilities

possibilities [This article was previously published on AffirmingSpirit.com. It has been revised and updated for the enjoyment of blog-readers.]

Possibilities for Improvement

Whenever someone wants to create change in their life, whether it be to their body, their home, their relationships, their career, their income, or all of the above, they first have to be able to develop a positive concept of “what is possible”. It is from that place of positive possibilities that they can determine what the next steps will be, for otherwise they would not know where to start.

What IS Possible?

The answer to that question depends entirely on who you ask! What’s interesting about ‘what is possible?’ is that the answer is not a one-size-fits-all solution as some experts would claim. It is really a range of answers, a realm if you will, from the easiest to more difficult, from the very small to the grandest of grand to that which has never been considered…and the answer is constantly changing as the universe evolves!

Every person’s realm of possibility is the unique intersection between what they have heard others accomplishing and what they can currently imagine is possible in their minds.

Why is this so important? People act on what they believe is possible for them. If they don’t believe they can do better, they rarely try. Plus, each person is going to have a realm of possibility that is slightly different from others, pre-set by what they learned was possible in their youth, and based on life experiences. Someone growing up poor being told ‘you can’t have what you want’ has a much different pre-set realm of possibility than one who grew up wealthy being told ‘you can have anything you desire, and you deserve the best that life has to offer’. Furthermore, if as an adult you’ve received additional feedback about ‘what is possible for you’, that also goes into the realm of possibilities.

Are you getting a picture of how complicated this can be?

Can you see that how you were raised may be slightly less important that the kinds of personalities support you as an adult?

Can you see how co-creation is more difficult between parties who have opposing realms of possibility?

Many people, if they haven’t heard of others doing something will conclude that it simply cannot be done (which is rarely true) and will not even try. If they are surrounded by people who do not support their desires to be better and do better, they might give up. However, if they have the support of those around them and a creative sense or internal vision of the possibility, they will make an effort…some even feel compelled to try. This is how inventors come up with stuff the rest of us say, “Brilliant idea…why didn’t I think of that?” Engineers who find break-through solutions have done so from an expanded viewpoint of what’s possible. Inventors are willing to open their minds to a greater realm of ‘what is possible?’. Scientists who make great breakthroughs, artists who create new mediums, all of the people who go beyond the barrier of ‘what is possible’ have the same thing in common: A willingness to challenge preconceived ideas and allow themselves to imagine a better way.

Extreme Makeovers: Who Holds the Vision for Improvement?

Extreme makeovers on TV are very popular. Unless you have permanently unplugged your TV, or never owned one, you have likely seen one of the many makeover shows on TV. There have been makeover shows on virtually every theme possible: losing weight, improving wardrobes, decorating or renovating new rooms and/or entire homes, improving physical features or looks…you name it.

I often wonder: What happens to the ‘made over’ after the cameras are gone? How does someone, who has a low opinion of themselves, move forward when others have shown them the possibilities to do and be better? Some follow-up shows have revealed that the inner work needed for change was lacking in these shows, so the recipients went right back to their old way of being. The way of being they knew and were comfortable with experiencing.

A while back, I saw a makeover show on Food Network where an award-winning chef and interior designer came into a run-down restaurant to help the owner improve their business by making over the entire restaurant. New menu and new restaurant decor. The restaurant had been successful once, but started going downhill and never recovered.

Apparently, anyone walking into the restaurant could see (and smell, according to the chef) and probably taste, too, why the restaurant was suffering…anyone, that is, except the owner and his family. They were used to the sights and smells, and had developed a mind-set that it was too hard to change. They no longer saw the possibilities for improvement. They needed outside help to change.

It was also very clear to see that the award-winning experts had a much grander vision of what was possible than the failing restaurant owner. The owner was so stuck in the negativity surrounding the failing of his business that he had a hard time accepting the suggestions of the chef and interior designer. He had not been able (or willing) to see their vision and was highly critical of their efforts until the restaurant makeover was complete. Once he actually stepped into the new vision for his restaurant, and sat down to taste the new menu items, then he was able to grasp what was possible. As a result, he’s kept up with the improvements, and the restaurant is now much more successful than ever before.

That episode of Restaurant Makeover illustrates why so many people stay stuck when they are spirally downward, unable to correct the problems and change course. On one level, they do want improvements, to change their course, shift their experience—but they are so mired in the “what is” that they are unable to envision something greater, something better, something beyond. They absolutely need someone who can see more options, who isn’t mired in “what is”, and can create the space for greater possibility where none existed before. And they must be able to listen without judgement to suggestions that are offered. For many people, that is really hard to do! But, it’s not impossible.

Making Big Changes
So, what do you do when you know big changes need to happen, but you aren’t quite sure change is possible? Here are some suggestions that have worked for me:

Step 1: Decide It starts with deciding that you are ready and want to make big changes. Whatever change you are envisioning will require stepping outside of your comfort zone, and believing something greater is possible. It absolutely cannot be done unless you are committed to the process.

Now, deciding doesn’t guarantee you will know HOW, in that moment, to proceed. However, the power of deciding will set you on the journey of discovering how.

Step 2: Seek help Can you do this on your own? Most people cannot make big changes without the assistance of someone else. We need someone who isn’t emotionally involved in our life to show us other possibilities. Seek an advisor, mentor, coach or counselor who will hold you accountable and help you shift out of your pre-set preconceptions about what is possible for you. Most people choose a coach or counselor because they are readily available, ready to start immediately, and already experienced in helping others.

Step 3: Raise your vibration Allow your subconscious to connect the dots for you. Meanwhile, go do some fun things…go for a walk in the sunshine, play with your pets, visit friends, spend time with loved-ones, meditate, journal, watch an uplifting movie, or whatever you identify as fun for you. Use this time to life yourself vibrationally, and refresh yourself mentally and emotionally.

If you are really struggling, taking a nap to release stress can be very beneficial. You might need to repeat this step many times between the other steps to keep your mind relaxed. A stressed mind will not be helpful, as it is more likely to direct you to vibrationally-equivalent stress-filled ideas and stressful outcomes.

Step 4: Research Find out what the most successful people in the related industry are doing. If you want to lose weight, find out what the experts suggest for diet, exercise, and supporting therapies. These days, the web is a great place to begin searching. Refrain from pre-judging what you read about or deciding that you don’t have the money or resources to do what others have done. Just concentrate on finding out what others have done as it might spur other ideas.

Step 5: Brainstorm Then, it’s time to ask your imagination to provide solutions: Brainstorm ideas, and withhold judgment of any single idea until later. Just let the ideas flow forth. Write down whatever ideas come to you. The more you try this technique, the more ideas will flow. You can even ask the person assisting you to brainstorm with you, if they are willing. Ask first. Most mentors and coaches will do this, but I am not sure about all counselors as different kinds of therapies have different approaches.

Step 6: Take a break before reviewing Remember to rest your mind regularly during this process, and allow yourself to have fun doing things that feel good. Once you feel you have completed your research and brainstorming, set the information aside, and again, go do some fun things. Let your mind relax, while the subconscious works out some solutions. When you are relaxed and feeling good, review your compiled list of ideas. Notice which ideas feel good, even if you are unsure about how to do it, or fear you don’t have the resources/time/money/whatever to go that route. The ones that feel good are the best options for you. This is where a coach or counselor can really help you believe in yourself. Also, notice what new ideas come to mind that might be better options for you. For instance, if you’ve always wanted to learn to dance, consider taking lessons as a way to learn AND get aerobic exercise.

Step 7: Pay attention for right action Right action is the action that is, deep in your heart, right for you. Once your subconscious mind begins to work on these ideas of what’s possible, and you’ve reviewed your research and brainstorming, you may begin noticing opportunities. New information may be sent to you. New ideas will pop into your awareness. Hybrid ideas—a combination of what has been and done what really appeals to you—may bubble up. Be willing to consider ideas that may have seemed out of reach. Pay attention to everything that shows up or comes to mind, and how you feel about each idea.

Follow and take action on everything that feels good to you! The way you feel is guidance for what is best for you…your right action. When you feel sure about a certain action, take it. When you feel unsure or doubtful, go do something else. Often, when we are in a relaxed state, we’ll know exactly what steps are best for us.

A good advisor, mentor, coach or counselor can also support you in weeding out the unhelpful energy, so you can discover the right choices for you.

Is there something in your life that you are now committed to changing? Share below what possibilities you are choosing to believe in….

Image credit: nexusplexus

 

Step Into Your True Power of Creation

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Dear Business Owners,

My deepest wish is for you to realize, and step into, your true power of creation.

Why is it that you think nothing of creating products or services for your clients—out of nothing more than sheer inspiration—yet you don’t realize that you have the same ability to create success in your business?

You are a powerful being capable of amazing creations and accomplishments. The ability to create success is your birthright. You may have forgotten it, but you can never lose it entirely.

Over the years, I’ve received countless phone calls and emails from you complaining about what is going wrong in your business and your frustration in how to fix it, yet the power to do so has always been within you from the time that you were born. In fact, you’ve (unconsciously) created your problems in the same way you can also create your solutions!

In order to create solutions, though, you first need to become conscious of, and step into, your own true power of creation. This is imperative for your business to grow and thrive.

Here is what you might be doing to block your own power:

Ignoring your inner guidance (intuition). You own inner guidance will always direct you in the right direction. When a decision needs to be made, know that the answer IS inside of you. Get quiet, know the right answer is present, and listen for it. Assume and feel that your Divine Self / Christ Consciousness is at work within you finding the perfect solutions, then be in that energy and listen. Be ready to take inspired action.

Doubting and questioning yourself. The more you question yourself and ask others, instead of listening for your own guidance, the more you are blocking your own intuition. Some take this so far that they end up stuck in the pit of victimhood. You are also sending a signal to the Universe that you don’t know of and are unaware of any solutions, which will keep them vibrationally elusive until your energy shifts. Release the bad habit of doubting and questioning yourself, or seeing yourself as a victim, and make a conscious choice each day to affirm and know that the perfect solution is coming into your awareness. Then, get ready to receive!

Chronic complaining, to yourself and to others. Do you remember a time in your life when you didn’t complain? For most of us, that was back when you were much younger, before you had developed a bad habit of complaining. Many of us grew up learning that the only way to relate to others was through complaining and fault-finding. Complaining is a habit that is a form of negative affirmation—which limit you and block you from receiving anything positive! The Universe is always responding to the signal you are sending, and complaints just tell the Big U to send you more that you can complain about! The good news is that you can replace a bad habit with a new better habit…like letting what annoys you point you in the direction of what you prefer, and appreciating your new preferences. Abraham calls that ‘Taking the Bounce’.

Getting caught up in the ‘outside world circumstances’. This is what I often hear: “But you don’t understand, this (fill in the blank) is my problem and as long as it exists, I’m screwed!” With a belief like that, you surely are! And yet, you are infinitely more powerful than any circumstance that comes your way…if you believe you are. The outside world is a reflection of what is going on inside of you, and nothing changes outside until you change yourself on the inside. This concept took me a long time to understand, and now Quantum Physics is showing us how this happens. Bashar has said, “Circumstances don’t matter. Only state of being matters.” When we’re so focused on ‘the problem’ being our roadblock, the Law of Attraction can only line us up with more of that. You are the only one with the power to create problems or solutions in your world. I know…that seems like a lot of responsibility. Take a deep breath! Take a few deep breaths. Taking full responsibility is the hardest part of the process, for most people, but doing so makes everything else much easier. What you created, you can begin anew and create differently from an upgraded perspective!

Resisting or refusing to create an environment for your success. I get it. It seems easier to stay where you are and keep doing what you’re doing. If that’s your preference, then keep doing it. But you’ll also have to let go of your expectation of improvement because that will require creating a different environment for your success. That might include changing how you talk to yourself and others about yourself and your business, who you spend time with, where you focus your attention, expanding what you believe is possible, using your imagination to focus on positive possibilities, and caring enough about how you feel to set strong boundaries. If your (internal and/or external) environment has been nurturing failure, then it’s up to you to change the environment if you expect a better outcome.

Here is what you can begin doing to unblock, and step into, your own power:

• Honor your inner guidance (intuition). No one has your back like your own inner guidance. Connect with and listen to your inner guidance on a regular basis. Doing so will make you very sensitive to how your guidance communicates with you. Over the years, my inner guidance has developed a shorthand that I know instantly what is right or not-so-right for me. I listen for it, feel for it, receive it, and honor it by taking appropriate actions based on the guidance. And yes, I ‘thank’ my inner guidance on a regular basis!

• Consciously choose to trust yourself. Ask your inner guidance. If the answer isn’t immediate, trust that your guidance will show up in some way. Perhaps it needs to come through another person or another situation that has yet to happen. Feel your higher self / Christ Consciousness working on your behalf, feel your appreciation for the support, then relax and focus on something that you enjoy. Sparks of insight usually occur when we are in a relaxed state of mind, often focused on something unrelated.

• Affirm, meditate on, and visualize your good. Everyday. As often as possible throughout your day. Let every thought and feeling (thought + emotion) you have focus on what feels better to you in any given moment. Train your mind and heart to lean toward the positive. In the beginning, this might take a lot of concentrated effort (depending on how long you’ve wired your brain to do the opposite), but after you’ve been doing it, it becomes easier and easier. Until, one day, you notice that it has become your ‘new normal’. Like a train (of thought) gaining momentum as it hits the summit and begins the route downhill. The cells of your body are like cells in a petri dish—affirming, meditating and visualizing your good not only uplifts your mind but also benefits every cell in your body. Your whole body will begin to vibrate at a higher level, attracting people, opportunities, and resources that you previously could not access vibrationally.

• Take full responsibility for your state of being. Let me restate: You are infinitely more powerful than any circumstance that comes your way. Everything changes (in a good way) when you take full responsibility for consciously choosing a positive state of being. Not just acquiring a positive state, but learning how to return to that state when an experience knocks you into the (vibrational) bushes.

• Nurture your success. Value yourself enough to consciously upgrade your self-talk (cultivating your own affirmations is a great way to do this). Choose your words carefully when speaking with others about yourself and your business, as you are creating what you think and speak. Be discerning about who you spend time with, be conscious of where you focus your attention throughout the day and as you fall asleep. Open your heart and mind by expanding what you believe is possible. Using your imagination to focus on positive possibilities, and caring enough about how you feel to set strong boundaries. If your (internal and/or external) environment has been nurturing failure, then it’s up to you to change the environment if you expect a better outcome.

But wait, you say…all of your recommendations is about ‘inner work’!

That’s right. 🙂

BLOG_InnerWorkThe most important part of business success is the inner work you do before you take any physical actions! Once your energy is positively aligned with the inner work, every action you take will be the ‘right one’ for you and your business. Therefore, your inner work is more important than, and bears a greater influence on, any other business actions you take!

Too many business owners take actions from a defeated feeling of failure, a mindset of doubt and mistrust, an unwillingness to imagine a better outcome, and end up nurturing their failure. Then, when the outcomes are poor, they observe what they’ve created and then have more proof of their failure, frustration, doubt, and mistrust. It’s a vicious cycle.

Rather than take full responsibility for their power, the unconscious business owner will blame others, the economy, or ‘circumstances’, completely unaware that THEY are the ones who created all of it!

Here’s the good news: It’s never too late to become a conscious business owner and step into our true creative power. Whatever we’ve created, we can begin anew and create differently.

By honoring our inner guidance, consciously choosing to trust ourselves, affirming/meditating on/visualizing our good, taking full responsibility for our state of being, and actively nurture our success.

That is how we step into our true power of creation as a business owner.

Don’t just take my word for it, though. Give it a try for yourself…and keep in touch. If you are struggling, I am here to help. If you’ve already been doing this inner work for a while, share below in comments what you’ve experienced so others may benefit.

 

Image credit: hjalmeida

Q&A: Help Me Fix this Nightmare Business Partnership!

BadPartnership_croppedToday, I have a Q&A to share. The question is long and the response is, too, but bear with me if you are in a similar situation. My intention is that it helps the questioner and many others.

As many of you know, while I support many people with my AffirmingSpirit teaching and mentoring, those who are most likely to hire me are creative and healing business professionals. I field questions on an on-going basis, and like to share those that could apply to a wide range of business owners.

Today’s question is this:

I don’t know how to manifest a positive outcome. I’m trying to reframe this situation in my mind and I am having such a hard time, so here it is unfiltered:

– my husband became 50/50 partners with what we now consider to be a bad person (I honestly tried to hold a vibration that he was a good, logical and reasonable person and truly feel that I was creating resistance by not accepting “what is” at the time…)

– In an ill-attempt to save money, they never hired a lawyer to formally draw up their contract, so the only thing that proves they were 50/50 owners is how they have run the business the last 8 years (which I do feel adequately proves that)

– in January, they verbally agreed on a buyout settlement amount where his business partner would pay my husband for his 50% of the business (this was an incredibly conservative and reasonable number that a trusted 3rd party came to based on company valuations that we agreed to because we wanted to get the hell away from him and his bad vibes).

– After this buyout settlement, we sold our home and moved 3hrs away, going into significant debt to make it all happen…all while waiting for the buyout to complete (it was never expected to not be settled by March-April timeframe)

– Since then, his business partner has dropped the amount and keeps adding bills/fees to the equation (which of course even further lowers the amount)

– As of last night, he now literally wants us to PAY HIM to take full ownership of the company. I literally can’t think straight because I cannot even begin to comprehend what is going on in his mind. This was a thriving business mind you, and my husband already transitioned his clients over to the business partner in good faith.

I just feel all the wrong things right now. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I feel like he is trying to royally screw us and I guess I am just wondering…if this were you, if you found yourself in this situation, how would you manifest a positive outcome?

Most business owners will admit that, at one time or another, they’ve had an experience where they “trusted someone” in relation to their business and the situation did not work out as they thought it would. Now in my 21st year in business, I am no exception to this.

However, as a business teacher and mentor, my job is not to commiserate with you, but to help you gain a new, more helpful, perspective. So here is my take on this question, which could apply to many business owners who have an on-going issue with business partners or vendors or clients, or all of the above.

• First, I’d like to invite you to imagine that this situation, in all its drama and he-said/she said, is actually a HUGE BLESSING in your life and your business. Are you willing to open the door to that possibility, even if you don’t exactly see how to get there right now? If not, then go relax and come back when you can.

As someone who has been through this process many times, I can guarantee you this situation (and this person who is involved) is a wonderful gift—even if you cannot see that right now. When you’re ready, let’s see how that could be so…

• Secondly, it’s good in these red-hot moments to remember: Nothing is ever set in stone. Whatever we’ve created, we can re-create, because energy is always responding to our intentions. This is true for everything, including our businesses. We can conjure new emotions, new attitudes, new perspectives that replace the old ones, and we can practice the new long enough that the old begins to fade away from our experience.

If you and your husband are willing to take the time to heal the underlying issue that created this and work together to create a new, more empowering outcome for all involved, this could be one of the experiences that improves both your relationship and your financials moving forward.

Let’s begin looking at the question itself: The first point that stood out for me is the mention of the business partner long being considered a ‘bad person’.

Conscious business owners understand that everything is energy, and that the Universe is always mirroring back what we send out via people, situations, and events. We call this mirroring effect “The Law of Attraction”. Catherine Ponder calls it the Law of Radiation and Attraction, to explain the energetic round trip.

Situations like this are the way a business owner shifts from the mainstream business of “us against them” world, to being a conscious business owner who understands the role of energy in creating results.

Whenever we observe something we don’t like, and label it (in this case: business partner is a ‘bad person’), that label and the energy behind it becomes the *signal* that we are sending out to the Universe. The label is, itself, a repetitive affirmation!!! The Universe can only mirror back to us what we send out.

What kind of mirror can Universe provide if you’ve decided that the other party is a ‘bad person’? That’s right: Universe will show you ALL the ways that it’s possible for the other party to behave badly! Sounds to me like your affirmation of ‘bad person’ has been working like a dream! (And to think people tell me they can’t get affirmations to work for them…yet they forget about all the negative affirmations they are using that overpower the positive ones!)

Remember, the Law of Attraction always makes us *right* by mirroring back to us energetically what we are sending out. Is now the time to begin sending out a different signal?

This is also how a conscious business owner discovers what energy they are REALLY sending out. Issues with business partners, vendors, and/or clients is just *information*…letting you know where your energy is coming from on this subject. Change your energy, and the world around you must shift. By law (of attraction), it must.

Ignoring this information, or blaming the other party, makes you a victim and shuts down your ability to take control and create something different. You’ll remain in deadlock until you energetically regain your power by taking ownership and taking the next-steps.

In my experience with this, the initial *sting* of taking responsibility is soon followed by a deeper understanding of why I created this experience (usually to heal a previous trauma) and then, surprisingly (!) a deep appreciation for the other parties involved for helping me *see and heal* the previous trauma. In the end, taking responsibility is freeing and leads to many good things.

• The Questioner wrote: I honestly tried to hold a vibration that he was a good, logical and reasonable person and truly feel that I was creating resistance by not accepting “what is” at the time…

Is it possible that the real source of the resistance was labeling and affirming this business partner as a ‘bad person’ while simultaneously choosing to feel good about them?

This is not about ignoring what is…as ‘what is’ is only an energetic reflection of what you’re sending out. What you are describing is actually a great real-life example of counter-intentions: Affirming one thing (‘bad person’) while simultaneously trying to force yourself to feel good about this business partner. The energies are at cross-purposes, splitting your energy, leaving you feeling the resistance. Until you pick a side and commit to that, your split energy will create a feeling of resistance within.

• The next few segments of the question focus around the legal issues. I won’t comment directly on those, except to ask a question…

What would cause us to choose to put ourselves and our businesses in a situation that could make us vulnerable in the future?

This is an important question because it might actually help us understand how this situation is really a blessing! If you cannot answer this question immediately, then just hold it lightly, as we continue to move forward. The answer will come to you, when you are ready.

As I see it, both you and your husband have an opportunity to heal yourselves, improve the situation, and strengthen your own partnership through this situation. Are you beginning to see how, then, this situation is really a gift for both of you?

• The Questioner wrote: …all while waiting for the buyout to complete (it was never expected to not be settled by March-April timeframe)

In this next part of the question, it sounds to me as if you and your husband took some calculated risks based on the decisions you had made with your business partner…aka the ‘bad person’. Calculated risks are common for business owners. The energy behind calculated risks is more important than the actions themselves. Like any part of life, if you are more vibrationally aligned with your intentions, the actions taken will likely result in a positive outcome.

The good news is that it’s never too late to become vibrationally aligned!!!

So, now that you’ve created and repetitively affirmed the ‘bad person’ business partner, and the Universe is lovingly mirroring that back to you, showing you how many ways they can be bad…was the risk of moving and starting over calculated from a place of empowerment…or from fear and ‘we’ve got to get away from this bad person?

I don’t know about you, but having my entire financial future resting on the completion of the buyout, that I never set up legally, could potentially put me in a place of desperation, victimization, with a strong attachment to the outcome in a specific timeframe.

• The Questioner wrote: I literally can’t think straight -and- I just feel all the wrong things right now. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I feel like he is trying to royally screw us

These statements (affirmations) are another clue about your vibe…and of course, when your vibe is low, you will NOT be able to think straight. No one can. It’s physically impossible for the brain to function clearly when our vibration is that low. So, when you feel this way, don’t even try to find solutions because you are not vibrationally in the vicinity to receive them.

Go find a way to relax. Take a walk. Take a nap. Take a hot, aromatherapy bath. Cuddle with your pet(s) or children. Call a friend and get your mind off the ‘problem’ for a while. Do whatever it takes for you to find a better feeling place on this subject.

For what it’s worth, when I feel like this, a nap is often the fastest and most efficient way of releasing the energetic kink. Before I drift off to sleep, I’ll invoke ‘Easy World’ by stating, “I live in Easy World where everything is easy, including creating the best possible outcome for (fill in the blank).” Many times, when I wake up after doing this prior to a nap, I am in a much more clear space to think how I’d prefer to experience this outcome.

If this were me, this is how I would re-create this situation:

I’d start reframing this situation by having my husband and myself acknowledge our individual roles in creating the situation, because that is the place where your power to shift the energy resides. Until you do, you remain victims.

I’d remind myself that…

Abraham tells us that the greater part of us, our Inner Being, will only side with the viewpoint of Source Energy. Source sees love and appreciation in every situation. Source know the blessings abound, even in the midst of what we perceive as contrast. So anytime we are focusing in a way that Source Energy would not perceive a situation, it leaves us feeling the negative discord between our viewpoint and that of Source Energy.

…and ask myself how Source might view this situation, and how I might be able to see it the same, someday soon.

Healing Past Traumas
To heal whatever allowed us to set up a situation like this, I’d have my husband and I do the following exercise on our own…and compare notes afterward.

This is experiential, so don’t just read it. Do the following in this order…

1. Put your hand on your heart, and take your conscious, thinking energy (hovering around your brain) inside your body to the area around your heart.

2. Ask yourself how this entire situation feels emotionally to you. The descriptive words are less important than the actual physical feeling. Fully allow yourself to feel that feeling in your body.

3. With the feeling in your body, ask: “When was the first time that I felt this feeling?”

4. Usually, an immediate answer will come to you. If it doesn’t, stay with the feeling and the question until you know. Don’t be surprised if tears of relief show up upon realizing the emotional connection.

5. Once you remember the situation that felt the same, ask yourself: Based on what I know now, how could I *see this previous trauma differently*?

Allow yourself to acknowledge that you previously did not have the skills or strength to heal this trauma until now, feel the emotional charge release, let yourself cry if tears want to flow, and internally know how you would handle it differently.

This does take some self-awareness, but any adult can do this. Often, we are only provoked into healing a past trauma when a crisis makes it necessary.

6. Know that this whole situation and the person(s) involved are here to help you heal THAT situation. Without them, you would not have had the opportunity to review this previous trauma from a more adult point of view!

(If either of you are like me, the original situation happened earlier in your life when you were either too young or too inexperienced to know how to fully process your feelings. So, those feelings became energetically stuck in your unconscious for healing at a later time. Like right now!)

7. When you feel the charge lifted, appreciation is often the result. Silently surround the situation and parties involved with white light and love, then thank all involved for showing up ‘as the bad guy’ so that you could review this earlier life trauma from a more enlightened, conscious point of view. Feel the appreciation in your heart and stay with it as long as it feels good.

(This is the point where I often feel DEEP appreciation and am humbled that someone would be willing to play the ‘bad guy’ role in order for me to heal. Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage,” and I see us as the writer, director, and primary actor of our whole life, with others playing the supporting roles. Also, I see this as a HUGE blessing…how about you?)

Now is a good time for you and your husband to share your discoveries with each other. You may each be surprised that the emotional trauma was different for each of you, but they still *brought up emotions that needed to be healed* in relation to this situation.

In the past, when I’ve done this process, I’ve discovered parts of me that felt unheard or unappreciated or unsafe. The moment that I was able to connect emotionally to a past trauma, I realized that the current ‘crisis’ was not about the other person, it’s ENTIRELY about me recreating past trauma!

Nothing ‘out there’ can ever hurt us. Our true source of suffering is our faulty beliefs we have going on inside of us. A Course In Miracles (ACIM) tells us that the outside world is an illusion, just a reflection of the meaning we’ve applied in our inner world. When we shift our inner world, the outside illusion will also shift.

After taking responsibility and healing my past trauma, my energy becomes remarkably clear. From this space, I’d begin re-imagining the preferred outcome. (If you have not read Neville Goddard’s approach to changing the past through ‘re-visioning’, check it out in Chapter 3 of The Law and the Promise.)

This ‘re-visioning’ is an exercise that you and your husband can work on together. (Hint: If you’re stuck, start by writing everything you don’t like on separate lines, then next to each write the opposite of each item. The ‘opposite’ of contrast is pointing you toward what you prefer. Take the bounce!)

I’d also begin making a list of how this experience was a blessing, starting with:

1. The situation allowed me to acknowledge a past trauma I had forgotten
2. A chance to heal that past trauma and see it with new eyes
3. An opportunity to create something better through transformation
4. (keep adding to the list, as the blessings show up)
5.

I’d call upon the ancient Hawaiian technique of Ho’oponopono to further clear my energy around the subject, and infuse it with love and appreciation. Not only have I found this to work, but I find that it is very pleasant to experience.

Florence Scovel Shinn said something like, Divine Love is the most powerful chemical in the Universe, dissolving everything that is not of it. Wow, that’s powerful. For that reason alone, I’d find reasons to energetically flood all parties involved with Divine Love, including myself!

In my experience, when I felt that I needed to deliver a message to someone but knew they would not be open to hearing it from me, I envision them receiving the message from someone else from whom they would be able to receive the message. I don’t need to be the one to deliver it, and I don’t need to dictate who will deliver the message, as long as the message is received.

Or, I’d visualize my higher self speaking to their higher self, sharing the message from a loving and kind place.

So, I might see my business partner receiving the message that assets and liabilities are always divided equally, and that there can be no charges (liabilities) added where there are no assets also added. I’d envision that, despite the lack of a legal agreement, everyone involved chooses to be treated fairly. I’d envision this partner receiving and acknowledging that is how they would also wish to be treated, feeling encouraged to take the first steps toward correcting this situation.

Despite past appearances, or actions, I’d envision an outcome where all involved are treated fairly and honestly.

I’d envision everyone walking away with a smile and a good feeling in their heart.

I’d see the checks to pay off all debt easily being written, placed into envelopes, and mailed (or see myself paying off the debt online).

I’d feel and milk the relief of having all the debt paid off, and knowing that the energy is cleared between myself and the other parties.

I’d revisit these visions and feelings every day, perhaps several times a day, and every time I thought about this person or situation, I’d review my list of blessings until I felt an emotional shift. Then, in this better-feeling place, I’d revisit the positive outcome visions again.

I’d milk all the positive emotions in other aspects of life and business. Despite how we might feel like everything is going to hell in a hand-basket, the truth is that often 80-90% of our life is going really well. We’ve just been focusing on the 10-20% that’s off and letting that define our life and business! Crazy-making, huh?!?

In my experience, when I’ve taken the steps above, positive shifts take place first within me, and then they are mirrored in the world outside. How long it takes depends on me, and how committed I am to the ‘new story’ and ready to let go of the old one (including those old affirmations).

Thank you very much to today’s questioner for being vulnerable enough to ask the question, and willing to let me share this publicly on the blog. I can easily imagine that this is helping them as well as many others!

Is there anything else that you would say to this questioner? If so, please take a moment to share it below in the comments…

Image credit: elisanth

Spring Clearing for an Energetic Boost

spring_energy_boost

For many of us in the U.S., the signs of Spring are joyfully in the air. So much of what I write about on this blog is about shifting energy through our body and thoughts, but there is a lot to be said for the things we can do to clear the physical space where we spend our time. The change of seasons is a perfect time to clear your space…your office, your home, your car, your garden!

LCMoTU_KonMariDecluttering and Organizing
Several of my Law of Attraction savvy friends are loving Marie Kondo’s book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. What sets KonMari’s Method apart is her combination of quick clearing suggestions (how to let go with ease by focusing on what sparks joy) and her discussion of the energetics that ties beautifully with Law of Attraction teachings: Keep around you only items you truly love which spark true joy, and let everything else go for others to enjoy.

Shift Your Food
The change of seasons is a perfect time to start incorporating in-season local organic produce in your meals. It’s also a perfect time to consider how you’d rather be eating for your long-term health and well-being.

Three years ago, when I decided to begin eating Paleo there were a lot of people who thought I’d gone crazy. Now, after the effortless weight loss of myself and countless others, guess who are now announcing that they, too, have gone Paleo?!? (And yes, they are just as shocked as I was about how easy it is to eat this way and how great the food tastes, on top of the extra energy and effortless weight loss. Go figure!)

Exercise in the Sun
During the winter and rainy months, I tend to exercise indoors, but with the coming of Spring I am more motivated to take walks outdoor in the sunshine. Ten minutes a day of sunshine encourages the body to create Vitamin D, an essential element for mood stabilization and easing depression. You’ll breathe more deeply, release stress, and feel better just from exercising outdoors.

Whether it’s a walk in the ‘hood or a hike amid nature, our spirit is lifted out of the doldrums by just being around flowering bushes and trees, greenery, birds and squirrels. Bring your camera with you to record the feast for the eyes and turn it into a creative outing!


This is a great (easy and fun!) suggestion for energy clearing your home:

Posted by Danielle MacKinnon on Wednesday, March 25, 2015

So easy and fun…many of us probably do this instinctively. I know I tend to do this at least once every Spring, Summer, and Fall. (Nothing gets me dancing like MoTown!) Funny enough, with enough fresh air, sunshine and music flowing, the desire to clean and clear naturally comes with it.

Remember Your Car!
When was the last time you gave some TLC to your car: clean the windows inside and out, vacuum the

How Does Your Garden Grow?
With love and intention, sweep out the dead leaves from your garden hardspace and place the leaves on your dirt for a natural and efficient mulch/fertilizer. When it rains, the nutrients from the leaves will trickle down into the soil and make it healthier.

Lovingly attend to the plants, trimming them where necessary, letting them know you love them and enjoy seeing them thrive. All matter, because we are all energetically connected  because we all come from the same Source Energy, responds to our energy toward it.

It’s amazing how taking simple actions like the ones mentioned above can give us an energetic boost, lighten our mood, and open us up to new possibilities. Your turn: What are you inspired to clear energetically?

 

Top Image Credit: Gunnar Pippel

Grounding / Earthing for Master Manifestors

Murphy enjoying his earthing mat — FloppyCats.com

Have you heard of Grounding or Earthing?

Feeling healthy and full of well-being is important for everyone, but particularly anyone who has chosen to be a conscious creator. Although doable, it is a lot more challenging to pivot toward better feeling thoughts and focus on what feels better when you are chronically tired or don’t feel physically well.

For my birthday, I got an Earthing Starter Kit. I’ve been enjoying the benefits so much, it felt important to share it here.

Links to author's siteWhat is Grounding/Earthing? The two terms are often used interchangeably, but Grounding refers to what’s happening, and Earthing refers to how. Earthing is grounding and reconnecting the human body back to the Earth. You can do this by walking bare foot on ground (wet grass improves connectivity), beach sand, or damp/moist concrete (in direct contact with the Earth) for at least 10+ min. every day.

When the weather is inclement or too cold, there are kits that help you ground indoors, where we are surrounded by electrical noise from computers, major appliances, and the electrical wiring in the walls. You can ground through a rod pushed into the Earth that is connected to a cable that comes into the house…or you can ground through the home’s grounded electrical system.

In addition to better sleep and greater feeling of well-being, there are many documented experiences of rapid healing, it naturally thins the blood, and offers a dramatic reduction in inflammation which facilitates healing. (Yes, there are Earthing mats for pets, too!) Earthing.net has more information.

Most of us will recognize that Native and Indigenous Cultures around the globe have always understood the power of and importance of connecting to the energy of the planet.

It’s really only those of us who have lost our connection to the Earth, which we had as kids running barefoot through the grass or sand or swimming in concrete pool, who really need to reconnect.

I had heard about Earthing via social media in late spring 2010 (I may have also read some discussions about it at the awesome Law of Attraction Membership Site, Good Vibe University), and began visiting my local parks to have my bare feet on the earth. Unfortunately, a lot of the parks are using some kind of chemical fertilizer on the grass that was not ideal for my skin. Plus, we rarely have a deep freeze (like we did last year) so the fleas usually live year round in the grass. I’d come home from the park covered with flea bites and rashes…and after that summer decided not to bother with Earthing. Rolling Eyes

Then, in 2012, a friend (one of my former bosses from when I worked at Adobe Systems) was raving to me about Earthing. She had used *indoor Earthing kits* during her cancer recovery…never got sick from Chemo…and she recovered so quickly it astounded her oncologist. It was her alternative health doctor who recommended this resource. Later, when her husband had hip replacement surgery the kits helped him also recover much faster. She also raves how much better they both sleep now.

The kit comes with a half sheet I put on my bed and a pad to use while on the computer, all the cables, testers, book, and a DVD of the movie Grounded. I went from not being grounded to being grounded a large portion of the day (at the computer or while in bed, sleeping). The moment I plugged everything in and grounded myself, my kitty Louise ran over to *join in*. She made sure every paw was touching my body, so she could also be grounded. Animals know!

Four nights before the starter kit arrived, I had started going to bed at 9pm at night. Initially, I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep that earlier, but was surprised to discover I easily fell asleep and slept 9 full hours each night.

So, the first night I had the grounding/Earthing kit, I again went to sleep at 9pm and set my alarm to wake me in 9 hours. This time, when the alarm went off, I was still so sleepy, I barely remember shutting off the alarm and going back into a deep sleep. When I woke up, I realized three things…

Shocked I had slept very deeply for a full 13.5 hours!!!

Shocked My body felt incredibly refreshed and that lasted longer throughout the day!!!

Shocked Every cell in my body felt like it was vibrating …humming …dancing!!!

The second night was similar. In bed by 9pm, alarm set for 9 hours…don’t remember turning off the alarm…slept 13.5 hours and woke up feeling great.

I was a little distressed about sleeping that long and wondered if this was normal, so I sent an email to my friend to ask her. She replied that it must mean my body needed a lot of extra deep sleep. Ironically, after I sent the message on the third day, the third night, I slept only 7.5 hours and woke up feeling great. The next night, I was wide awake after 6 hours of sleep. After a week, I now I feel my sleep pattern is evening out. Rolling Eyes Your experience will vary depending on your sleep patterns and overall health.

In addition, over the past week I have been feeling this infectious sense of well-being bubbling up inside of me…All is WELL…and getting weller, as Abraham has said. Laughing I have to admit, I didn’t notice it at first because the shift was very gradual. Cool

If you want to start grounding/Earthing, you can go outside with your bare feet on non-fertilized grass, concrete (doesn’t work on asphalt, though), or a sandy beach for at least 10 min every day and build up to longer periods. Apparently, it also works while *swimming in a concrete pool*! This costs nothing if you have grass, beach, concrete or a concrete pool nearby.

When the weather turns cold, I can recommend the indoor Earthing kits from Earthing.com. The elite athletes in the Tour de France use Earthing Bags (zipped cotton bags, similar to a sleeping bag) so they sleep in a *grounded cocoon*. Some people who benefited from regular Earthing kits found the Earthing Bags to be too much grounding, while others found them helpful. Seems like the athletes are the ones who do well with the Earthing Bag.

So far, I am enjoying the Earthing sheet and mat…I am not sleeping as much as I was in the beginning, and the feeling of well-being is pervasive.

The DVD included with the kit was underwhelming for me. I do believe the filmmaker (a wildlife filmmaker) had good intentions, but it was more like a collage of film clips. There are YouTube videos that do a better job of explaining and interviewing people, although the movie does show how an entire town in Alaska benefited from grounding. A number of those people were interviewed, but their responses were basically, “I used to have pain before I started Grounding. The pain is gone and Grounding is great!” No indepth explanations and a lot of the doctors are still unsure how it works, other than the heart being electrical (it’s also magnetic, but don’t get me started…).

Here’s a trailer for the updated documentary (not the one I have), entitled Grounding 2…showing, among other things, how grounding/Earthing impacts plants and humans:

If you read/listened to my Why I Am Still Alive post on my blog then you know that I’ve had two blood clots (30 and 16 years ago). The fact that the grounding also thins the blood is good news for me. However, if someone is on blood-thinning medication, they will need to be on doctor supervision while employing grounding/Earthing because too much thinning is not good.

Dr. Stephen Sinatra, an integrative cardiologist from Connecticut, said that he had been wondering for years why his patients freshly returning from Florida always needed their meds lowered. He thought it was the warmth and sunshine, but now realizes it could have a lot to do with being grounded on relaxing walks on the sandy beach.

What does this information mean for conscious creators? I know for a fact that I have had more energy, been more aware, and felt more well-being in the last week since I’ve added Grounding/Earthing, which is serving me as a Master Manifestor. My vibration is naturally higher with little physical effort on my part. Whether you ground yourself bare foot on the Earth or with indoor products, this is a tool that helps in many ways.

If you’ve tried grounding/Earthing, share your experience below!

 

Image credit: Top – Grounding Post on FloppyCats.com;
Inset – Earthing book, Earthing.net

Anecdote for Feeling Helpless

Anecdote for Feeling Helpless

Do you find yourself feeling helpless when you hear about yet another conflict, natural disaster, abused or missing animal or person?

It seems like you can’t even turn on the news or join in a social media conversation without some distressing information being shared. It can seem like everywhere you look, there’s another horrible—or potentially horrible—situation at hand. What do you do when it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless to create positive change?

We are all infinitely more powerful than we may realize. Humans are not just spiritual beings in physical bodies, the source that flows through each and every one of us is the energy that creates worlds!

I don’t talk about this often, or publicly, for that matter, but for the last decade I have been employing a process that has proven to be an anecdote for feeling helpless. I am sharing this technique here, and if it resonates for you, try it yourself.

First, a little backstory…

It started for me one winter when I heard about a young San Francisco couple with a baby who were missing and believed to be somewhere in the Sierra Nevada mountains. They had last been seen driving up into the mountains before a blizzard had paralyzed the area. Being a highly sensitive person (HSP), I immediately felt a sense of fear and despair for the couple and their young child as the days wore on and the family had not been found.

Really, it felt awful.

The more I thought about the possible hardship this couple might be facing, the more I felt more devastated…and helpless. Until it dawned on me that I could use my natural creative power of imagination to ‘imagine’ that this family was found. With this glimmer of hope, I realized intuitively that I could do more from where I was to help this family (while warm and safe, at home) by imagining a better outcome than by dwelling on all the horrific possibilities.

I began imagining that a search helicopter was able to find them. Using my imagination, I imagined how relieved the family and searchers would feel. I imagined them being found safe and sound.

That was in the afternoon after the family had been missing for several days. I kept imagining they were found all afternoon because it felt better than worrying.

Later, that evening, the news reported that a search helicopter had found the missing car on the final pass of the day.  Ground crews had found the mother and child alive in the car! The father had hiked to find help, and was later found to have fallen to his death.

Admittedly, the outcome was not entirely what I would have liked, but I couldn’t help but feel that somehow I might have helped that mother and child be found alive. That thought alone felt more empowering.

Imagining the best certainly beat feeling helpless and worried!

Since that time, I’ve used this same technique of “imagining the best outcome”, even when I don’t know entirely what that would be. I focus on the positive feeling that everything is resolved whenever I hear of anyone in any kind of distress. I imagine that I can connect directly with the person(s) involved and then I imagine they are guided to the help they need.

I have imagined…

  • ill people finding the medical help they need, and they do.
  • missing animals being found, and they are.
  • missing adults being located, and they are.
  • weather improving, and it has. Hurricanes have downgraded to tropical storms or completely change course. Blizzards have been less troublesome than predicted.
  • missing children being found, and within a day or two, they usually are.
  • victims of natural disasters finding relief and assistance in a timely manner.

One time, I imagined a missing boy being found, and not only was he found but also another boy who had been kidnapped many years prior by the same abductor!

Imagining the best for someone feels a LOT better than imagining the worst. Whether family, friends, or complete strangers, if something positive can come from imagining the best, then it’s really worth the effort!

I’ve trained myself to do this the minute I hear about someone in distress from a disaster or missing, for whatever reason. It’s my go-to response, and it certainly helps me feel like I am a powerful part of a solution versus a helpless bystander.

Sometimes, though, when I begin to connect with the person remotely and imagine them being found, I might get a sense that they are no longer in physical form. Some are quick to let me know that it’s too late, while others just give me a sense that they are no longer ‘here’. If that happens, while still ‘connected’ I tell them telepathically that if they are not in physical form, their family would like closure…please guide the authorities to their body. More often than not, the person’s body is reported found shortly after.

No, I have never contacted the police in these areas around the globe. I am just choosing to use my energy in a positive way, where I am, rather than focusing on all the negative possibilities. I admit it thrills me when a positive outcome results, but the truth is that focusing in this way is what ALSO keeps me sane amidst countless stories of heartache and misery all around.

We ALL have this power, if we choose to activate it!

Some might say it’s a *coincidence* that I imagine these people being found or helped, and then they are. If you are among those who believe in coincidences, I really don’t know what to say to you as I have learned there is no such thing as a coincidence.

Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself: the next time you hear a news story that plummets your heart into despair, consider using your immense natural power to ‘imagine the best’ for all involved, then notice what happens in the news.

Have you already tried this before, or are you willing to give it a try?

I’d love to know what you this post has stirred in you. Please share your comments below…

Image Credit: rolffimages / 123RF Stock Photo

Why I Am Still Alive

Why I am still alive

Due to the length of this post, I am providing an audio version:

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Depression, suicidal thoughts, and deep shame

Today’s post will be different from what you are used to reading on this site. I apologize in advance for the length. This is my personal story which I now feel compelled to share, and know that I must do so to help others. This is not something I have ever discussed in public, and for a long time it was a tremendous source of deep shame, but I realize that now is the time. If it helps one person, then it’s served it’s purpose for me to break my silence!

We are all painfully aware that beloved comedian and actor Robin Williams died last Monday from an apparent suicide. Normally, when a celebrity transitions, I send them good energy for their journey, and let it go trusting that all is well. Of course, I did the same for Robin, but the immense gift that he left us (besides an incredible body of work) is that we are now all discussing mental illness, depression, and suicide openly, in a generally thoughtful way.

This was not the case in the 1980s when I went through one of the most terrifying and debilitating experiences of my life.

It made complete sense, at the time

When I was in my senior year of college, I became so morbidly depressed that I could barely function. The lack of energy and internal motivation was so profound that I could not see my way forward. Suicide truly seemed like the most logical and sound solution! Just breathing felt emotionally and physically exhausting. Trying to catch up with my classwork made it worse. I was barely existing. Then, my fiancé of 2 years, with whom I lived, announced that he had changed his mind and no longer wanted to get married. I was crushed. It was too much for me to handle.

A month or so before this, I had developed a blood clot in my chest. Doctors were stumped. This was many years before I learned about my power to create health in my body and mind, let alone my power of creation. The University hospital Chief of Staff was dumbfounded how a young, active, physically fit woman, who was not on birth control pills, could suddenly develop a blood clot in her chest (not a common area for a blood clot). The reason for the clot was never determined.

Since most people who get blood clots are elderly, the treatment usually includes intravenous blood thinner until the clot is dissolved. Then, upon release from the hospital, patients are transitioned from I.V. blood thinner to a pill. The amount of time anyone remains on prescription blood thinner depends on the individual case.

Once I returned home, taking this prescription medication (Warfarin), resuming my college classes and living with my then-fiancé, it wasn’t long before a dark cloud came over me. I’m a naturally optimistic and happy person, so this darkness which crept ever-so-gradually over me is something I had never experienced. Suicidal thoughts became more frequent and sucked me into a hole that I felt incapable of resisting or escaping from. It got to the point that suicidal thoughts felt like such relief, that I felt crazy not taking action! I was fully in the throes of severe depression…and thinking I was being logical and thoughtful in my decisions.

Someone in their right mind would have questioned those thoughts, especially if this is not a normal experience. At that time, I didn’t even know I wasn’t in my right mind.

My suicide attempt (it must be called an attempt because it was not successful), which seemed like the absolute right solution, only opened the door to greater humiliation, being treated like I was unworthy of trust, generating deep shame and greater depression. After my fiancé intervened, I was sent to psychiatric ward and placed in an observation room (2 padded walls, 2 glass walls facing the nurses, completely stripped clean of potential hazards).

At this time, my fiancé, the person I had trusted the most and felt was my soul mate, used my absence to move out of our shared home so that he would never have to interact with me. Now, I was not only trying to recuperate from the blood clot, but I was also dealing with severe depression and grieving deeply the loss of my 3 year relationship. Later, I found out that he had told the psychiatrists about my behavior after the blood clot, that he intended to leave, and that is what convinced them to hospitalize me.

While in the psychiatric ward, they took me off the Warfarin, put me on the anti-depressants, and talk therapy. It was determined I could stay off Warfarin and just take a baby aspirin, once a day, if needed.

When asked why I attempted suicide, my answers did not satisfy the doctors, and it didn’t make a lot of sense to me afterward, either. I certainly didn’t *feel* mentally ill, and at the moment that I had suicidal thoughts, they seemed quite rational. For years, I carried the humiliation and shame of making a choice that the rest of society believes is inappropriate. Wrong. Not right. Sick. Stupid. Idiotic, even. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t manage those thoughts? Was I mentally ill? Was I unstable? I felt I had to hide this from others, lest they think ill of me.

The blessing of déjà vu

Fast-forward 14 years. I have moved to another state, married, had a child, divorced, started a business, bought a home, and was learning how to ballroom dance. I was a single mother and thriving…but, the deep shame I carried about this experience was a dark shadow I rarely discussed.

One night at a dance party, a dance instructor made a comment to me about not holding up my arm. Except that, I was holding my arm up. That arm had been feeling heavy all day, come to think of it. I recounted to him my experience of the blood clot (but not the experience that followed). The next morning I woke up and felt my ‘heavy’ arm was asleep. That was the same way my arm felt when I had the blood clot before. I checked the color of my skin and it was obvious: the heavy arm was purple. The blood was not flowing properly.

The Advice Nurse told me not to call an ambulance but rather go straight to the emergency room. Once there, I showed the doctors where to look and they gasped when they saw the blood flow from my chest to my arm was only 10%. Installation of the Coumadin I.V. was next. Upon release from the hospital, they once again prescribed Warfarin pills. This time, I was told I would need to be on them the rest of my life.

pills-wide-diffThen, I began to notice… over the weeks, my energy waned. I felt frustrated more often, I need to sleep more often, and eventually so drained that suicidal thoughts began to creep in. They were, once again, a welcome relief. Then, it DAWNED on me: it was the Warfarin that was making me suicidal!

I immediately made an appointment with my doctor and our conversation went something like this:

The young doctor, fresh from his internship, listened to my explanation of how the Warfarin was affecting me and promptly replied, “That’s not possible!”

Cocking my head, I asked, “How can you say it’s impossible? I am the one feeling the effects! Who do you usually give this drug to?”

He replied, “Those in their 70s, 80s or older are usually the only ones on blood thinners. No one has ever said they felt suicidal from taking this drug.”

“When an elderly person tells you they feel tired and depressed,” I said, “why does no one question that? Clearly, I am not elderly, but I am telling you right now: this medication is making me feel suicidal and it has already wrecked havoc once before. I will not let it do so again.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “You must be mistaken, and you have to be on this medication the rest of your life or you will die.”

For me, the only choice was to advocate for myself. The doctor would not listen to me, and since I had accidentally discovered that certain foods naturally thin the blood, I made a decision to take myself off the drug*. I regularly eat the foods that naturally thin the blood and I’m still here to talk about it, without the suicidal side effects. That was more than 16 years ago…and  this is why I am still alive.

The humiliation and deep shame I had carried for years was completely unwarranted! I have forgiven myself for not knowing, for how could I have? The relief I feel now is that despite the dark urges, I was able to find out the true source of those feelings.

Why did I feel so compelled to share this story now?

Robin Williams death has opened the door for discussions of depression and suicide in social media. When I briefly mentioned on Facebook that sometimes prescription drugs (for other ailments) can trigger deep depression and suicidal thoughts, a number of people responded that basically a similar situation (different ailments, different drugs, same outcome) had happened to them: prescription medication for unrelated ailments had wrecked havoc on their mind and body to an extent that living no longer made sense.

When our body/brain chemistry is altered by a drug, whether recreational or prescription, we may not know it. We may feel we are thinking clearly. Suicidal thoughts in this situation may feel like our clearest thinking, the solution that does everyone a BIG favor. Telling people to seek help is nice, but not necessarily realistic. They may truly need an intervention.

In my case, the realization 14 years later, that the same drug was inducing suicidal thoughts allowed me to discount those thoughts, more than I had been able to do when I was in college. Thank goodness for that second blood clot!!!

Now, I am not telling you to get off any medication you are on or to never be on prescription drugs. I do not recall feeling suicidal while I was in the hospital on the I.V. blood thinner Coumadin, but the gradual increase in those suicidal thoughts took place when I was on the pill form of Warfarin. Perhaps the I.V. blood thinner was fine but the pill just doesn’t work with my body chemistry. There may be people who cannot handle Coumadin but do well on Warfarin. Alternative doctors are quick to explain that every human being has different body chemistry, so it is impossible to say that one drug will have a beneficial or maleficent affect on every human. Even placebos don’t affect everyone the same.

I am not telling you to ditch your medication or your doctor, but I am telling you to be aware of your body, and communicate with your medical professional. If you are on a prescription medication and finding yourself unable to think positively, emotionally exhausted, and/or finding relief in suicidal thinking, tell someone and speak to your doctor if you can. It’s your body and no one knows how medications will affect it as much as you do. If your doctor will not listen, go find another doctor. If no allopathic doctors will listen, go find an alternative or integrative medicine doctor who will!

It’s your life. Who will care enough to advocate for your own quality of life, if not you?

 

*Various insurance companies penalized me multiple times for making the decision that saved my life. Why they would penalize a patient who could not get proper medical advice or a doctor who would listen to them is puzzling, to say the least. I was forced onto unnecessary state-sponsored Major Risk insurance because of this choice, and later made to sound like I was a “difficult patient” for not following doctor’s orders…the one that would have led to another suicide attempt, or possibly worse.

Original photo source: nenovbrothers / 123RF Stock Photo
Derivative image credit: Barry-Jansson & Associates

Shutting Down Your Gremlins

Gremlins gargoyles_TomMartin_Flckr

Recently, a deliberate creator asked for advice on shutting down gremlin thoughts (aka the inner critic) in an effort to “control” the vibe.

Gremlins?

Often when we talk about releasing gremlins, those yucky mean and nasty thoughts that seem to run rampant in our brain, in order to get to a better feeling place, we are talking about getting OUT of our brain and into our heart space. As you feel better, your vibration naturally increases and it’s easier to connect with better feeling thoughts. That is very helpful, when you can do it.

What about those who are finding it hard to even FIND a better feeling thought?

I just listened to Joan Borysenko, Ph.D in the HayHouse Summit explaining that the frontal lobe of our brains is not only the executive center but also the center of our awareness. That awareness, for example, is the part of your brain that ‘notices’ the emotional patterns…

‘hey, why is it that I keep thinking negative thoughts? Why do I keep doing that, even though I keep pivoting to a better feeling thought? Hmmm (silence, during which a thought from the past comes to the surface)…wow, where did THAT thought come from? I haven’t thought about that in ages! (feels a twinge in the body).’

Pay attention to the thoughts that surface with a physical feeling in the body! Those thoughts were stored in your cells, from a previous time in your life, waiting for a time when you could consciously be aware of them. Once you give your full attention to those thoughts, the physical tension associated with them will release. As you release more, you’ll notice your body feeling lighter and it is easier to navigate toward better feeling thoughts.

What I also found interesting is that Joan said our AWARENESS function in our brain’s frontal lobe has the ability to activate a hormonal drip onto the amygdala (the old fight or flight ‘lizard’ brain, center of fearful thoughts) that actually quiets and deactivates our gremlin thoughts!

How COOL is that?!? Love it! We really do have everything we need to thrive.

According to Joan, here are 3 ways to trigger awareness:
1. Regular meditation – even 20 min 3x a week for 3 weeks can rewire the brain!

2. Affirmations – that tap into the deep emotional meaning behind the words, (not just the words alone, but something that feels GREAT to say it). Even a SINGLE WORD that has a deep meaning for us can work as a shortcut ‘slogan’.

3.
Mindful Breathing – breathe in slowly through the nose, out slowly through persed lips as IF you are breathing out through a straw. This slows the breathing way down to 4-6 breaths a minute, and I noticed that after I release all the air, there is a delay before the next natural breath. (Men might find that they hold between the intake and exhale.) One to two minutes of this breathing is enough to trigger the hormonal drip that calms your fear circuits as you become more present. Joan calls this Gear-Shift Breathing because it short circuits the negative thoughts and puts us in a mindful space that opens us to Divine Guidance. (To me, this is also a form of meditation – similar to Vipassana Meditation.)

In my experience, the more you are used to consciously choosing and thinking supportive thoughts, the more likely you notice the not-helpful thoughts – they stick out like sore thumbs. Of course, when you are feeling good, it becomes more obvious when you are NOT feeling good! Be self-compassionate as you release the unsupportive thoughts and make room for new more supportive thoughts. After a while, you’ll see much more of the supportive thoughts and less of the unhelpful ones.

What do you think about this? Share your questions, comments, and examples of shutting down your gremlin thoughts below.

Image credit: Tom Martin, Flickr

Your Beautiful Power

Dove-Patches-Video

Have you seen this video by Dove?

Showing us in sequence just exactly how powerful our beliefs are in affecting our perceptions, researchers asked women to apply a “Beauty Patch”. They told them what to expect, and asked them to wear the patch as well as keep a video journal. Watch what happened next…

If you are a frequent visitor to this blog, you are probably smiling and nodding your head. The Placebo Effect exhibited in this video is just one of the well-documented examples of how our beliefs can literally change our life experience. Many of us have wondered (more than just out loud), if the Placebo Effect is so effective (at least 30% of all placebos work better than the actual drug being tested), why aren’t we harnessing the power of the placebo with no side effects to heal versus harmful medications? Well, we know the answer from the past…we get to decide the answer for the future. 😉

Actually, many doctors hate the Placebo Effect and think it’s a hindrance drug testing. In fact, the Placebo Effect is so maligned in the medical community that most doctors want to figure out how to ELIMINATE it completely, rather than figure out how to make it work for us so we can take less medications. Imagine how much nations could save in national medical costs if we worked with placebos instead of eliminate them. 😉

Each of these women started the study feeling they needed something outside of them to make them more beautiful, and ended up discovering the deepest truth of life: life is an inside job. What a powerful and beautiful lesson that is!

Now there’s also brain science that can explain how this works. Janette Dalgliesh, the LOA Brain Whisperer, states in her new book, Mastering Your Everyday Superpower:

For me, these concepts lead to one inescapable conclusion: that my reality is unique to me, not just in the sense that it’s my own perception, but in the sense that as I interact with it, there is a two-way flow. I create it through my brain. Sometimes I do that in a self-aware, conscious way, and sometimes I do it in a default, unaware way.

So do you. And so does every human being on the planet.

Amazing, isn’t it? Here’s something else amazing: Mastering Your Everyday Superpower is currently free on Amazon! You want to get your own copy and learn how you can master your own beautiful power.

Disclosure: Because I know Janette Dalgliesh’s work in this area, and believe in the importance of getting this information out to the world, I have chosen to become one of her affiliates. When you make a purchase of Janette’s offerings, you not only benefit from the experience but I am also compensated for sharing this material with you.

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