Releasing Your Victim Status

How often do you feel like a victim? How often do you feel like things happen TO you, instead of FOR you? Some of you reading this will probably say never, and if so you might really want to look a little deeper.

This is not easy to admit, but recently I became aware that I was raised to feel like a victim. In no way do I blame my family. I doubt they set out to *make* me feel that way, let alone to feel that way themselves, but it still is the truth: I was raised to feel and act like a victim.

I know I was raised to feel this way be cause my family’s favorite pastime is complaining! Not only did the adults around me model how to complain, we were actively encouraged to look for things to complain about and rewarded with extra attention when we did. In family gatherings, not only could you get lots of attention for complaining, most times the rest of the group would join in and add their complaints to the mix!

But it didn’t stop there. Complaining wasn’t even JUST the favorite pastime in my family, but in the culture around me, where it’s still active every where in our media and news sources!

But that was then, and now I understand how I create my reality with my thoughts, words, actions and the FEELINGS they invoke in me. Those feelings send out a vibrational signal to the Universe through the electro-magnetic field that connects everything. So, I’ve learned that when I take 100% responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, and feelings, the world around me shifts to reflect that back to me.

I know that I am a Deliberate Creator and what I give my attention GROWS vibrationally, and before long, it comes into physical manifestation. When you complain, you are giving a signal to the Universe that you want MORE of what you are complaining about, and that keeps you feeling stuck, as if nothing ever improves, and in a perpetual state of victimhood.

I have come to learn that if I really want to experience change, not just complain about it, I have to begin thinking and speaking differently. Even if I am complaining about complaining! πŸ˜‰

That’s because it is impossible
to complain and NOT feel like a victim!

It makes vibrational sense: If you want to let go of your victim mentality, the first step is to stop complaining. It might be easier for you to make a decision to halt your complaints in mid-thought. However, if you hang around a bunch of people who like to complain verbally or in writing (blogs, articles, etc.), before you know it, it may become your habit, too. Once complaining has become an ingrained habit, you may find yourself doing it without even trying!

* * *

That means that if you REALLY want

to release your victim status,

you must FIRST let go of

the habit of complaining!

* * *


You’ve probably heard me say that EVERYTHING that we say is affirming something – either something positive or something negative, depending on the label we give to it. When we complain, we are affirming our status as victims.

It’s up to you, though. No one else is going to think your thoughts, speak your words, or feel your feelings and emotions. When would you like to release the victim status and feel more empowered? That’s the time you will want to commit to letting go of the habit of complaining. It’s never too late to stop complaining and create a new habit.

Now it’s your turn: Do you have a story of how you let go of complaining and the victim status it creates? Share it below so others can benefit!

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17 thoughts on “Releasing Your Victim Status

  1. Hi Nancy,
    my recent gift from the universe that has me out of action was an example of a situation where I could have chosen to be the victim and become disempowered.
    I realise reading this that I chose to be complaint free mostly.

    Hospital was a place where I really focussed on not complaining and being in the now πŸ™‚
    Suzie Cheel recently posted…Suzie’s Healing Journey

    • Hi, Suzie,

      What a wonderful example ~ even in the face of a difficult situation, you *chose* to appreciate the experience! Thank you for sharing your example so others could see what’s possible.

      Many blessings,

  2. Great post, Nancy – you’re so right! I made a commitment to give up complaining several years ago, but still every so often I’ll hear myself having a whinge about something or other. I generally pull myself up, have a good laugh at myself, and then make sure I find things to appreciate about my situation. I’m getting pretty good at that, and boy is that empowering. Woohoo!

  3. Good point you raise, Nancy. It’s something I’ve thought a lot about because of the nature of work I do with my clients. In my experience, it’s not easy to let go of being a victim without making peace with the past emotionally – EFT is my favourite tool for this.

    But then there’s an interesting next step about what the other side of the coin is all about. What about the abusers of power? If we’re going to give up the idea that we are victims, I think it helps to let go of the notion that there are abusers out there too.

    You can point to large and small scale abusers from the ministers in government falsley claiming expenses (big angry story in the UK in 2009) to the sway a pop mogul has in exploiting the vulnerable on TV (I’m thinking of Simon Cowell and Susan Boyle). We can get caught up in thinking that someone is to blame. But aren’t they just playing a role, even if it’s one we don’t like? And it’s one we can release ourselves from.

    Once we realise we’re not victims, then no one has power over us. We’re just not a vibrational match to being held in their sway. That feels like true freedom.

  4. When I started becoming aware of my thoughts and the importance of thinking positively, I simply stopped complaining as I knew it wasn’t serving me. The awareness also meant that I was seeing so much more of it around me – OUCH! – until I learned to tune out.

    I’d never thought of it as victimhood but now that I know I can create my reality why would I want to complain? I can just change what I don’t like!

  5. Janette, Sejual, Peter – thank you for visiting and making such great comments! YES, YES, and YES – complaining is forgetting that we create our own reality and becoming aware of how it keeps us a victim of our own stories opens the door to understanding ourselves (and the greater world) on a deeper level!

    Thank you for visiting and sharing your important points!

    Many blessings,

  6. How funny… Shane and I were JUST talking about his yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!! I think complaining is the American way, lol. And I totally TOTALLY agree with you! It shouldn’t be! It’s just another one of those learned behaviors we need to replace with a healthy one! Great read Nancy!
    sheila recently posted…Word of the Week: Sticktoitiveness

    • Hey, Sheila – you hit the nail on the head:

      It’s just another one of those learned behaviors we need to replace with a healthy one!

      Indeed. Just as appreciation and attitude of gratitude can be LEARNED, so do we learn the opposite. The thing is, I only just recently realized how much complaining kept me feeling (and acting) like a victim, when I *know* that I am an empowered being.

      Thanks for stopping by with your nail-on-the-head assessment, Zen-Sheila! πŸ˜‰

      Many blessings,

  7. I think sometimes feeling like a victim is good contrast for feeling like a superhero. I had a tantrum today for instance, and after a good bit of crying, and subsequent shame and embarrassment, I could move on into feeling in control again.

    I agree about complaining – it’s just lazy self-management. We’re better than that!
    Zoe Routh recently posted…When is "enough is enough"?

    • Hi, Zoe – Co-Creator of Awesomeness!

      Chronic complaining, which leaves us feeling like a victim, is a learned behavior. Just like we learn how to that, we can learn how to make empowering choices moment-by-moment, until it becomes our new habit. While we are transitioning into empowerment, our commitment to focusing and re-focusing our attention is the essential work, until choosing to appreciate and see new possibilities becomes second nature. I honor those who make the commitment because I know what lays on the other side of it! πŸ˜‰ No one making that commitment is lazy, even if their emotional journey appears hidden to others.

      Thanks for stopping by, Zoe!

      Many blessings,

  8. I see it all the time where people are living like the world dealt them a bad hand. I prefer to think that we are more in control. Even if we’re not always in control of the situations that happen, we are in control of how we think about and react to those situations.
    Eric | Eden Journal recently posted…Angry about Change

    • Hi, Eric,

      Welcome to the AffirmingSpirit blog, and thank you for commenting!

      You are so right that we have a choice how we focus our thoughts and respond to life. A few years back I had something happen I was convinced (at the time) was a disaster, but as I CHOSE to see the blessings in the situation, the entire situation morphed INTO a HUGE BLESSING. That showed me how powerful we are in deciding how we experience life! πŸ˜‰

      Many blessings,

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