I’m Spiritual, Not a Doormat

Here’s an issue I’ve been wanting to blog about for quite a while: How nurturing and supportive are your relationships (partners, spouses, friends, clients, etc.)?

If you are on a spiritual path, sooner or later, it’s possible you have encountered people interpreting your being spiritual as  reasons to treat you like a doormat!

How the mistreatment manifests is varied, and not worth posting here. The bottom line is, if people are constantly expecting you to give in, let go, forgive their continual bad behavior, and accuse you of not being spiritual when you establish healthy boundaries, they are treating you like a doormat.

No, being on a spiritual path, leading your life with love and kindness is a choice. If others decide to take advantage of your kindness, it’s time to turn more love and kindness toward yourself.

Sometimes others might mistake this gentle kindness for a willingness– even an acceptance –to be mistreated or disrespected. No matter what they dish out, you seem unruffled and respond with kindness and understanding …AGAIN.

Sure, we all know someone who is going through a tough time right now and could use our kindness and understanding. But if the relationship is about you always giving, and never receiving in return, it’s time for a change.

Being spiritual does not make you another person’s doormat!

Unless…of course, you keep allowing it to be so.

Before I was conscious of this dynamic in some of my relationships,  I regularly allowed others to treat me like a doormat. Really, I cannot blame others because I never set appropriate boundaries, and then I allowed the situations to continue even though they were very distressing to me.

However, when I became more conscious and began setting boundaries, the majority didn’t like the new terms. It was so much easier behaving badly and having me take the slack in the relationship.

Trouble is, we do *teach* others how to treat us. When we have trained someone to be less than respectful or mistreat us for a long period of time, they get used to it. Then, they get resistant to changing when we decide to set a boundary that prohibits their behaviors.

This is in addition to folks who do not want to see us grow spiritually, raising our own vibration, this can make lower vibrating people uncomfortable with our expansion. Unless we choose to limit ourselves, and remain stuck where they are, there’s no real way around this: We are vibrating out of the lower energies, into the higher ones, and that means loving ourselves enough to let go of the draining relationships.

As we do this, the lower vibing folks often will not want to see our growth. They often see our progression as a threat and begin unconsciously attacking and/or finding fault with our choices. In order for them to feel *right*, we have to be *wrong* in their eyes. A very common response among the low-vibers. Heaven forbid they actually look at their own behavior and apologize. (gasp!) Then, they wouldn’t be so low-vibing…

Best way to deal with this? Be the bigger person. Flow them love. Wish them well. Let go. Move on.

Every one of us are spiritual beings living a physical life, experiencing our own spiritual journey, at our own pace. Those you’ve had to leave behind may catch up…or go a different direction. What they choose for themselves is not your business (and vice versa).

Your place is to love and appreciate yourself fully, including setting healthy boundaries for mutually appreciative  and respectful relationships. So, assess your relationships, set your boundaries, and choose to love yourself!

Your turn! Does this post ring a bell for you? Please share your comments, insights, and stories below…

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6 thoughts on “I’m Spiritual, Not a Doormat

  1. “Trouble is, we do *teach* others how to treat us. When we have trained someone to be less than respectful or mistreat us for a long period of time, they get used to it. Then, they get resistant to changing when we decide to set a boundary that prohibits their behaviors.”

    This is so accurate. I let go of some people who treated me “bad” but others are a little bit harder to get rid of 😀 like my husband. I set boundaries but he doesn’t respect them, I trained him so well the other way round. Thank you for this post. Mwah!

    • Hi, Sonia!

      I let go of some people who treated me “bad” but others are a little bit harder to get rid of 😀 like my husband.

      Ugh. Been there. Done that! Until they have real consequences to deal with, there is no incentive to change.

      One thing I didn’t know about then, which I wish I had, and may very well have helped me is using Ho’oponopono and *flowing love* to this person. I don’t mean romantic love. I mean Universal Love. Find 1 or 2 things you can truly appreciate about this person (in my case: he’s kind to animals), feel the appreciation of that, and flow that loving, appreciation to him. Whenever you think of him or are around him, do Ho’oponopono. I’ve actually found that it creates a protective energy bubble, so they can say *whatever* and it literally doesn’t matter. I feel safe, protected, and in a better energy than getting emotionally engaged (i.e., anger, frustration, hate, etc.).

      Thanks for stopping by, Sonia!

      Many blessings,
      Nancy

  2. Nancy, thank you so much for this. It really resonates with me. I have a friend who doesn’t allow me to give back. That same friend has also been disrespectful to me and seen me in a negative light where there was only positive intent on my part. I’ve recently drawn that line in the sand saying “no more”. I don’t yet know the outcome of my standing up for myself. What I do know is that one can’t see what isn’t inside them. If that person perceives negativity where that wasn’t in me, it is really just something within them.

    Sadly, I’ve wasted a lot of time defending myself against this person’s negative judgement of me. But it took me a long time to figure out just what was really happening. This person was one I really trusted and learned from. Ironically, I learn Spiritual matters from him. It never occured to me that he wouldn’t walk the talk.

    I think those of us with very compassionate hearts find ourselves in this position more often than one would suspect. Some of us might think everyone is like us. Clearly not so. But I wouldn’t change anything about my tender heart. I see it more as an asset than a liability.
    (Posted on AffirmingSpirit Facebook wall 8/24/10)

    • Thank you, Jacqueline, for letting me share your heart-felt comments with everyone on the blog. I hope it also helps someone else realize they aren’t alone, and they CAN stand up for themselves.

      Many blessings,
      Nancy

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