Allowing Success

You’ve told everyone about your intentions, and set about taking actions to make your success a reality.

Instead of experiencing the success you’ve envisioned, things seem to be falling apart.

No matter what you do, nothing is working. Your energy for following your dream is fading and fast!

What’s Really Going On?

allowing successWhether your idea of success is personal (weight loss, relationships, ending an addiction, etc.) or professional (getting a job, being promoted, starting or growing a business, etc.), one of the key factors in experiencing success is ‘allowing’ that success to happen.

“What are you talking about, Nancy? Of COURSE I am allowing my success! Why wouldn’t I allow my own success?

Indeed, a very good question to ask: Why wouldn’t you allow your own success? Being successful can mean a lot of things, all of which involve CHANGE.

For starters, success changes how others see you, and more importantly, how you see yourself! If your internal view of self, your self-image, does not support the direction that success will take you, you are likely sabotaging your opportunities.

If success is far greater than your community (or tribe) is used to seeing, you may fear being evicted from that circle of connection and may sabotage your opportunities. When I began making more money than the majority of my friends, it was clear that they felt uncomfortable not being able to afford the activities that I suggested. It challenged those in my circle who were not successful, and they made it clear that they did not like it. I no longer include those people in my circle.

Success as you envision it may change you faster, or more, than you are currently prepared to experience. You are expected to let go of the familiar and embrace the unknown. For some people, this is exciting and welcome. For others, this possibility is so scary that they subconsciously don’t want to see their efforts come to fruition. I say subconsciously because they *appear* to be taking appropriate actions, but never seem to *catch a break*. For the rest of the world, it appears as if they have just had a very hard life. They are, in fact, creating experiences (as we all do) that ensure their failure despite the numerous actions taken.

Self-sabotage can take many forms…

A. Focusing our attention toward inevitable failure versus expecting great results. We lower our vibration by running negative self-talk and images of previous failures so much that it becomes automatic and unconscious. This vibration naturally attracts results that match.

B. Setting goals that really aren’t ours—they belong to people we look up to—and we pursue them in the hopes of receiving approval from others. However, our hearts are not in the goal, the process, or the journey, so our actions fall flat.

C. Being unable or unwilling to take appropriate actions. By insisting on more research, more testing, more processing, we are forever preoccupied with the discovery process and never seem to have time to take the project further. Our plans stall, waiting for us to get clear about what we really want.

D. Failing to create a supportive environment for ourselves. We refuse to let go of behaviors that prevent us from succeeding. Rather than confront a dysfunctional habit, we try to incorporate it and never seem to gain traction. We hang around people who complain, blame, and find fault with others success. There’s never enough space, time, resources to accomplish our goals.

E. Undermining our relationships with the very people we rely upon to succeed: Vendors, Employees, Contractors, Colleagues, and Partners. By picking fights any point of contention will do with the people we rely upon to accomplish our goals, then we have a convenient excuse for not being able to move forward.

There are probably more…these are just the ones that come to mind.

Shortly after I started my business in 1994, I invited a fellow Chamber of Commerce member to join me on a large project. I felt sorry for her because of all the struggles she had in growing her business and I believed she was a good person. What happened next shocked me: She systematically began fighting and alienating everyone in the project, including me! Then, she’d ask for advice and promptly attack anyone who offered suggestions. I could hardly believe what I was seeing, and my contacts in the project were contacting me separately to say they were really not impressed with her.

Now, when I look back, I can see: This gal had a very poor self-image, generated a lot of destructive self-talk, and subconsciously went about ensuring her failure. To add insult to injury, she constantly talked about her problems and beat herself up over these failures which created a vicious cycle. It would have been shocking IF she had been successful in business!

Whether your current self-image is not keeping pace with your desire for success, you are afraid of change, or your capacity for change is not where it needs to be, that doesn’t have to remain your fate. We all have the capacity to grow and improve.

To prepare yourself for the growth and improvement success will bring,  consider these tips:

1. Start with self-love. Louise Hay, founder of HayHouse Publishing and author of You Can Heal Your Life, discovered there is no problem or issue, personal or professional, that cannot be resolved with self-love. Love is the greatest force in the Universe, capable of healing, growing, and teaching all who come in contact. As you love yourself more, you send a message to the Universe, and you open up to compassion for self and others. If your efforts fail, you speak lovingly to yourself as you get back up and move forward. When others fail around you, the compassion flows forth from your heart.

What action can you take today to be more loving to yourself?

2. Before taking action, line up your energy. Center your energy with regular meditation. Even 5 minutes every morning or night can make a difference. Make sure your self-talk and attitudes reflect the success you are seeking. Replace old self-talk and tapes with new positive affirmations that are better aligned with the new version of yourself. Envision the outcome often enough that you begin to feel as if it has *already happened*. As you meditate, affirm, and vision your success into being, you will naturally be guided to inspired actions. This way, every action you take counts and is far more effective.

How can you begin lining up your energy?

3. Set yourself up for success. As you are making efforts to love yourself and line up your energy, take stock of how your current environment supports you or fails to support you in moving forward. Clear out clutter. Prepare space to work and to live. Make room physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Be conscious about letting go of what isn’t working, and be clear with yourself why it isn’t working. Surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed. If you are self-employed or a freelancer, you’ll find support in a Mastermind group. If you need help, ask for it. If you don’t know who to ask, ask the Universe to help (journal, pray, meditate). Answers, solutions, people, and opportunities will always be revealed to one who asks.

What can you do today to begin setting yourself up for success?

Have you prepared yourself for allowing success? How did you do it? Share your observations, comments, and suggestions so others may learn from you.

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15 thoughts on “Allowing Success

  1. Nancy, what a great post.

    I know that I have experienced the amazing power of self-sabotage in my life. However, at the time, I could not see it. Hindsight helps me see it clearly now.

    I was scared of being the one that led the tribe. I was scared of not having friends if I did not spend money on them. I wanted more than anything in my life, to be accepted by those around me.

    I was scared of success because I had no template for it.

    Now, today, believe it or not, I have developed a template for it. I see it as very attractive and doable. I do not believe it alienates. I believe success supports.

    Interestingly enough, my experience was not wasted. I can spot those patterns a mile away in my clients. I have a lot of humor about self sabotage within me because I see it for what it is: an inefficient way of coping.


    Iyabo Asani

    • Thanks for your comment, Iyabo! I particularly love this:

      Interestingly enough, my experience was not wasted. I can spot those patterns a mile away in my clients.

      and this:

      I have a lot of humor about self sabotage within me because I see it for what it is: an inefficient way of coping.

      Self-sabotage is INDEED an inefficient way of coping! Unconscious folks, as you have pointed out, aren’t even aware that they are doing it–or that it is a way for them to cope with all that they are feeling. Having humor about yourself is a way of showing self-love…it’s a very compassionate way of acknowledging and moving through what you are feeling.

      I appreciate your insights and wonderful comments, Iyabo!

      Many blessings,

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  3. Hi Nancy,

    Sometimes self-sabotage happens because people have a distorted belief about success. They may already be successful in certain areas yet not even acknowledge it. Often people take their talents for granted. They are quick to criticize themselves but neglect to validate their positive qualities. Also, their expectations may be so high that they set themselves up for failure as they believe the task to be overwhelming and out of their reach.

    I have found that tendency comes from low self-esteem. What helps is to take things step by step and to acknowledge every step along the way including past successes. An example in my own life happened when I was asked to speak at a Chamber of Commerce luncheon many years ago. The idea of speaking in public terrified me. However, I accepted because I felt honored and knew it to be a growth opportunity. Fortunately, I had a lot of time to prepare including pre-paving (imagining how I wanted the experience to be) so that by the time I gave my talk I was psychologically and emotionally ready. The talk turned out to be a complete success and a wonderful experience for me.

    There are many forms of success. It helps to get clear on what success means to you. For some it may mean financial success. For others it may mean raising a family, being a good parent, hosting a successful event, having a lot of friends.

    Also, the journey towards success is just as important as its attainment as it requires being present in the here and now. If one is too focused on the end result he or she could miss the growth and teaching that the journey itself provides.


    • Hey, Jeannette, thanks for stopping by! 😀 Self-love really is the key to it all!

      Susan, your comments are so powerful and fully received! Yes, low self-esteem is at the very root–which is why attention to self-love is so crucial to allowing success! (Jeannette’s point as well)

      I love your Chamber story (perfect example!), and your points about the forms and journey of success. This is really a deep topic that there are many facets which could not be covered in a single blog post. Thank you, again, Susan for the time you take to comment on my posts!

      Many blessings,

  4. Nancy …

    This topic of this post is definitely the key to unlocking all of our dreams and desires. As we know from the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, Allowing is the 3rd part of the equation and it is the one that many of us have the most difficult time with.

    Many of my clients (and me too at times!) have suffered from that “see-it-like-it-is”-itis and then judged ourselves for what we just observed. It can be a vicious cycle and one that does not serve us at all. For instance, if you are someone who is not satisfied with how successful you have been in your own business and you keep on observing where you are and judging yourself for not being more successful, how can you attract success to you? I find that it is important for the person to re-define success, find the small wins and celebrate those, look for the things that prove to you that you are moving in the right direction.

    Allowing is about aligning those thoughts & feelings with the exact thing you want to attract into your life. It is not focusing on the lack and hoping that success will come your way.

    Great post, Nancy. I could speak about this topic all day long! 🙂

    Maria C. Lesetz, CEO of Lovin’ Life
    Law of Attraction Health Coach

    • As always, I appreciate your thoughtful comments, Maria!

      I actually had a different name for the title of this post, when the content itself focused solely on the problem (self-sabotage). I decided that it was more fulfilling to include solutions. That’s when I came up with “Allowing Success” so the post could end with a focus on the solutions.

      As fellow Abers, you & I know about “allowing”, but many non-A-H followers are new to this concept. It seems simple on the surface, but it’s deeper than an iceberg! :o) Many reading this will, at first, have no idea how they could be blocking (not allowing) their own success. I hope this post helps them to recognize and course-correct.

      I’m with you, Maria I could talk about this stuff non-stop. And hey, I do !!! :o)

      Many blessings,

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  6. Nancy,

    This is a great post, I have to much to say on this subject! 🙂

    You set your goals and work to achieve them but you should not for one minute think that achieving that success won’t change you. In fact you will change to become the person you most likely need to be, one example of that is confidence. If you are not a confident person it will be the first change you will want to make.

    In my experience when the success you want to achieve is far bigger then that of your group or social circles current state of success. They could reject you as being different and treat you differently than they use to and that can put stress and fear on you and make you want to stay at the same level of success you have always had.

    It is wise to get support and at this point it is good to add more positive people to your social circle.

    The success you want can seem scary and so lead to self-sabotage, however, I have known people to realize that something is wrong and push forward anyway. That is one way to do it but there are others, if it comes to your attention that you are or might be self-sabotaging, you will want to get someone to support you through it.

    I have seen many signs of fear and sabotage which are: anger, highly stressed, putting off the goal at hand, and feeling bad about it, and snapping at people as a result etc.

    The best way I have found to set yourself up for success is to imagine yourself as having already achieved the success you desire. Imagine yourself a couple years from now living the success you every day, ask that version of you to support you, if you have accomplished in the future you can do it now.

    Take it in little steps and work up to in baby steps, think of every little thing you do as going together to make the bigger picture and write down even the smallest accomplishment. I ask myself constantly what supports me and what doesn’t get more in my life that does, in turn I also keep my network or social circle only of those people that are positive.

    The last thing I do is to take good loving care of self because if I am not at my best, then everything I do suffers and my growth does to.

    • I love that you have so much to say, Gaylena! :o)

      I especially note this comment:

      you should not for one minute think that achieving that success won’t change you. In fact you will change to become the person you most likely need to be, one example of that is confidence. If you are not a confident person it will be the first change you will want to make.

      This reminds me of Abraham’s latest teaching about manifestation: We are not manifesting a THING or EXPERIENCE, we are actually creating an upgraded version of OURSELVES with that THING or EXPERIENCE. If you cannot ENVISION yourself being, doing, having, then you are much farther away from stepping into that experience than if you CAN ENVISION that expanded version of yourself! That’s powerful stuff!

      In other words, if we are breathing, we are continually creating new versions of ourselves…either at the same place (stuck) or stepping into something new.

      Thank you for sharing such wisdom, Gaylena!

      Many blessings,

  7. Love your ideas here Nancy – very impactful – and hopefully illuminating – the baby steps thing is SO important- seeing each next step is sometimes easier and more empowering than looking at the giant picture which may appear to be a “GIANT LEAP” and SELF LOVE is the NUMBER ONE Most important factor in all of this – if you aren’t loving yourself – then the Universe won’t be able to love you back with what ever you desire be it love, money, success or impact in the world.

    Thanks for sharing your light with all of us!

    Peace and infinite blessings of light, Amethyst

    • I totally agree, Amethyst

      SELF LOVE is the NUMBER ONE Most important factor in all of this – if you aren’t loving yourself – then the Universe won’t be able to love you back with what ever you desire be it love, money, success or impact in the world.

      Self-love really is the foundation from which everything else is built. I so appreciate you taking time to visit and comment! 😉

      Many blessings,

  8. Excellent post Nancy and so very relevant at this a most challenging time for most. I see so much of this going on around me and even with people I hold dear. I think we can all be victim of some of these time and again, but sometimes I think that we experience somewhat simple “blocks” that we can’t even recognize.

    I am a big advocate of self care – which goes hand-in-hand with self love that you speak of. Too many times is the craziness of life, we run ourselves to the ground doing, doing, and doing…not caring for ourselves (our souls or physical body). I always challenge people to take the time for self – it doesn’t need to be complicated or expensive…but when one takes care of their own well-being, they are much better off to help others and go about their daily lives. I like to use the airplane analogy…the flight attendant always says that you have to first place the mask on yourself and then help others. It’s the same in our lives and it starts with self-love and self-care.

    Thank you!
    In abundant gratitude,

    • Thank you for your comment, Deanna! I went straight to your blog, but forgot to respond here.

      It’s music to my eyes to read that you are an advocate of self-care. This is something every woman needs to learn, especially if she wants any level of success. I believe that self-care is the Ultimate Commitment~nurturing the most important relationship you will ever have, the relationship with self~and the *least* selfish act any one can take.

      Thank you for sharing your ideas and suggestions, and for the important work you are doing with The Gratitude Circle!

      Many blessings,

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