[This article was previously published on AffirmingSpirit.com. It has been revised and updated for the enjoyment of blog-readers.]
Recently, I have written about embracing change, the power of decision, and believing in what’s possible as tools for creating powerful positive change in your life. Once you open the door to possibilities, your intuitive guidance will begin to show you options. Here is when it is critical to move past the next trap: Wanting to control “how” everything manifests.
Paralyzed by the need to control or see exactly how their wish will materialize, many folks cease taking any action. They need to know exactly how, from start to finish, they will accomplish their goal. The lack of knowing how becomes an excuse never to even begin taking action toward their desired goal. Since a clear solution does not seem available, or viable, they then conclude that their goal is simply not possible. Many goals die a quiet death in this trap.
The truth is “how” your goal manifests is not up to you…at all. That’s the job of the Universe that is orchestrating all beyond your comprehension. It’s your job to sift through all your experiences to decide what it is you really want to experience, and which of those you are really going to pursue, put yourself into the feeling of it as if it’s already manifested…AND LET GO! ‘How’ it comes about is truly the “domain of the Universe” as Mike Dooley says in the original version of The Secret DVD.
In fact, failure to let go sets us up for a vicious cycle. The more we worry about, and try to control, “how” our desires manifest, the more we are adding to the very resistance that keeps those goals at bay. Then, with proof that nothing is working, you have yet another excuse to conclude that the goal was an impossible dream.
If you’ve decided to become a conscious creator, you need to get out of the ‘how’ business. When we let go of the need to control exactly how our desires show up, we release the self-imposed limits on the possible ways our desires can manifest. As humans beings, we have a limited view of what can be accomplished, always based on what we are aware of that has already been done. Getting away from the need to know how is what is meant by “getting out of your own way”.
There’s no question that we DO benefit from pure, positive passion on your way to experience your desired goal, and the persistence to stay focused on the outcome regardless of any naysayers. That said, sometimes the very passion that drives us can cause us to want to know “how”. Successful people the world over know that you do not need to know “how” you will accomplish your goal in order to succeed. They realize that passion for the outcome and trust in the process are the big keys to successful conscious creating.
Jerry Hicks tells a story of how he and Esther had decided they wanted to take the Abraham materials to a wider audience. They happily told others about this, and when people asked how they were going to do it, they just said something to the effect of, “We don’t know right now, but we know the way will be shown.” Then, out of the (seeming) blue, Wayne Dyer and Christiane Northrup, M.D. contacted them to say how much they loved their materials and asking how they could help. Other notable authors and media people stepped forward to do the same. Louise Hay offered to publish their books to a wider audience. They were contacted by Rhonda Byrne to make The Secret movie (original version), which led to them creating their own movies and participating in Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. Along the way, Oprah called to interview them on her XM 156 Radio show.
All this happened for them because they put their desire out to the listening Universe and spent no time trying to second-guess the energy that creates worlds. They got out of their own way. Esther and Jerry considered what they wanted, focused on that, and trusted that it would show up for them…and it did! You wouldn’t know about all of their books, movies, or YouTube videos if this hadn’t happened for them.
The “Needing-to-Know-How” Addiction
Some people have been demanding to know how for so long that they’ve become addicted to needing to know, not to mention tallying up failures of past goals that never saw the light of day.
The addiction to knowing coupled with the lack of knowing keeps them stuck, in a perpetual (and emotionally exhausting) tug of war.
At the root of needing to know how your goal will manifest is a lack of trust in the energy that creates worlds, the one single source of all we perceive as humans: The Universal Energy field, sometimes known as Source Energy, Divine Source, All that Is, or God. Quantum Physicists have identified this energy field that permeates everything that we perceive with our senses, and have determined that this field of energy responds to and is affected by our thoughts and feelings.
Quantum Physicist Fred Alan Wolfe, PhD in the movie, The Secret, said,“Quantum Physics really begins to point to this discovery. It says that you can’t have the Universe without the mind entering into it.” He goes on to explain, “The mind is actually shaping the very thing that is being perceived.“ Experiments with particles have shown them responding as soon as particles are being observed.
Whether you view this ever-present energy field in a religious, spiritual, or a scientific way, the fact still remains: The energy that permeates all things in the universe is constantly responding to our thoughts and feelings. If you trust this, then you will find it easier to let go of the ‘how’ and let this energy source assist you. It will respond to your trust by providing your deepest heart-felt desires.
If you do not trust this source, by virtue of your lack of trust, it will reflect back to you proof that you cannot trust it. The Law of Attraction ensures that whatever we believe is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Practice Shifting and Cultivating
So, what do you do if you are addicted to needing to know ‘how’ before you proceed? Start by practicing shifting your thinking and attitudes, and cultivate trust.
• Cultivating trust is like building muscles. Develop your trust muscle so you can easily imagine yourself living the outcome you desire. Spend a few minutes each day practicing— visualizing (see, feel, know) yourself living the outcome of the goal and noticing how it feels for you.
For example, if you want a good parking spot, imagine yourself driving to the location, finding the perfect spot and pulling right in without waiting.
Notice how you feel when you are visualizing (seeing, feeling, knowing) this. Feel yourself physically there in your visualization. Then, let it go and continue with your day. Resist the temptation to get into too much mental detail because that will lead you to ask ‘how’. Instead, focus on the feeling you want and are expecting to experience. Abraham refers to this technique as pre-paving a future experience. As you find yourself stepping into a future that matches your visualization (seeing, feeling, knowing), you know it’s not a coincidence.
• Start with smaller goals until you begin to trust that Universal Energy is constantly responding to meet your requests. We tend to be less attached to emotionally to smaller goals, so use that to it’s advantage if you are just starting out. As your trust deepens, you will find it easier to begin visualizing and feeling the outcome of much larger goals. Soon, you will find yourself trusting and knowing that everything you desire will manifest for you quickly and efficiently.
• Release emotional attachment to the outcome. I realize that the more emotionally attached we are to a certain outcome, the harder it can be to let go and trust. However, if you channel that emotion away from attachment and toward your visualization, you’ll notice something remarkable. The more emotion invested in the visualization, rather than the attachment, the more you will feel as if you are already living the desire you seek.
At that point, it’s only a matter of time for it to manifest. The creation process is well underway, and ironically, you are likely to feel less attached to the final outcome because you already have the satisfaction of feeling as if you are living that reality. And that makes you, and your goal, very attractive!
Feel the Outcome as Reality
How to do this? Let me share a personal experience from my own business.
One day I realized that a client had not paid a large project invoice by the milestone date. I called their accounting department to find out when payment would be made and was told they would “pay it when they got around to paying it.” I was incensed that this client corporation had me working around the clock and was extremely demanding, but was unwilling to pay their invoices on time. Soon, I found myself arguing with their Accounts Payable rep and heard my inner voice say, “Stop. Arguing is not helping.” I forced myself to end the conversation and hang up the phone, and needless to say—I was not in a very good mood!
Realizing that my energy was so negative that I would only attract similar energy by staying there, I immediately left my office. I sought out my kitty cat who always soothed me and lifted my energy. As I petted my kitty, I felt my heart warm and completely forget why I was mad in the first place. I stayed in that loving energy for a while, as it felt so good, and then began to think about the ideal outcome for the situation. All drama aside, the ideal outcome was to have possession of the client payment and deposit it into the bank.
So, I imagined myself holding the check, walking into the bank to make the deposit. I stayed with that visualization until it felt real to me. Then, I went back to petting my sweet kitty who was soaking up all the love.
Eventually, I made it back into my office and went back to work. I had let go of the outcome and trusted that what I visualized would show up. About three hours later, I received a call that the check was in the company’s lobby for me to pick up. It was not long before I was holding that check, walking into my bank to make the deposit just as I had visualized a few hours before!!!
Was it totally easy for me to get out of the “how” and shift my anger toward more productive visualization? It is easier now than it would have been 10 years ago, but it wasn’t totally easy, and frankly I needed the help of my furry friend to truly shift my energy to a higher vibration. (Furry friends are one of our greatest gifts!)
Could I have gotten there on my own? Probably, but not as quickly. If a kitty wasn’t present, I could have turned on some good music and danced, or put my attention on someone who always lifts my spirits. While it wasn’t easy, it was doable…and the more I do it, the easier it becomes.
In my example above, as I stepped out of the ‘how’ and focused on the outcome I desired, I gave the universe permission to fulfill my request in the fastest, most efficient way possible. I was then free to follow intuitve guidance. Jack Canfield has equated this to driving from NY to California at night with your headlights on, seeing only 200 feet ahead of you at any time, trusting that the road will take you to your final destination.
Have you been paralyzed to take action because you first needed to know how you would accomplish your goal? What has helped you to get out of your own way? Share your experiences with us below, in comments…