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The Problem, with Affirmations Problems are part of life, and affirmations are part of the solution. The key to success with affirmations is dealing with the problem, first.

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Quarterly Quote

"Your pain is the breaking
of the shell that encloses
your understanding."
—Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Quarterly Affirmation

My life is improving everyday,
in everyway, and I am grateful!

Recently, I attended an event where a life coach addressed the group about the incredible power of the mind to positively change your life. Of course, I agree whole-heartedly, so I briefly shared my story of recognizing my own negative attitudes about owning my own home, how I decided to change my thoughts using affirmations, and how 9 months later I purchased my own home. (You can read the full story in the Spring 2004 newsletter.) Afterward, a woman standing to the left of me started asking me questions about affirmations, then another executive coach interjected, "Oh, Affirmations...they're a double-edged sword!". I could not believe what I was hearing (!), and can only imagine the look of shock that must have been on my face.

The executive coach continued, "Imagine a big plate of the most disgusting, vile food that you can think of...then cover that with 3 inches of chocolate frosting!" The woman to the left of me said, "Ewww...that's awful!" The executive coach responded, pointing her finger at the woman, "That's what affirmations are...they are just a coverup for something awful in your life that you really don't want to deal with!!"

Of course, I could not let the conversation with the executive coach end there.

"Whoa....!" I said, "Wait a minute! Where did you get that idea? Affirmations are a proven technique to help people reframe their thinking so they can be more affective and happy in their lives. Affirmations are NOT about covering up your problems or refusing to deal with them!"

To which the executive coach responded, "Well, unfortunately, every client I've ever had has used them that way." (When I recounted this story to my coach, she asked, "Aren't you glad she's not YOUR coach!" laughed then, and I'm laughing again as I'm typing this it out. The answer is YES, in more ways than one!!!)

This disturbing conversation with this executive coach shocked me into realizing that some people may truly not understand how affirmations work, or the importance of working through a problem...getting to it's core...before creating affirmations to address the problem. Days later, I was still thinking about that disturbing conversation and it hit me: I need to address this issue in the next newsletter.

What Affirmations Are...and What They ARE NOT!
Affirmations are...positive statements....written in the present tense...used to retrain the brain...designed to replace old, negative thoughts with positive ones...proven to work on anyone who uses them regularly (NLP suggest at least 21 consecutive days)...motivating, encouraging positive action that will create positive changes. Affirmations work because they keep the brain focused on a positive outcome, taking energy away from other thoughts that might be more negative or less productive (spiraling toward the negative). As you focus more on the positive, you will become motivated to take actions that previously seemed impossible.

Affirmations are...not about covering up a problem with a sugary-sweet thought...not about changing other people...not about ignoring your issues or the truth...not about being oblivious to reality. In fact, if you use affirmations to cover up, ignore or even if you are unconsciously oblivious to your problem(s), they simply will not work. If your affirmations are not working, you need to take a close look at how you really feel about your problems. Is it possible that you really are not motivated (enough) to change? Could it be that you are getting some pay-back for having this problem and subcon-sciously aren't interested in letting it go? Be brutally honest...It's your life...no one else is living it for you. If you aren't willing to change, accept that, and move on to something you are willing to change.

Getting to the Core of Your Problem(s)
That said, affirmations can only work if they address the core of a problem. If your affirmations are only addressing the surface issues, the underlying cause of the problem is still present...still working against you. This is why I have often said you must first dissect the problem, get to it's real core, and determine what you are willing to change before you can even begin writing your affirmations or see results from your efforts. The truth is, we have to first be willing to confront our problems head-on if we stand any chance in overcoming them.

Often, things that upset me emotionally...make me very angry, very frustrated, or very sad...are clues that there is something I need to address. For instance, the comment made by the executive coach made me very angry. That was a clue that there was an issue I needed to address. My anger wasn't about the coach, it was about the possibility that there are people who don't understand the power and importance of first getting to the core of their problem(s).

If I had not been willing to face, and acknowledge, where my negative thoughts about owning my own home were coming from, I would not have been able to write affective affirmations that worked! I have owned my own home for the past 10 years, and kept my home in difficult financial times, because I was willing and able to acknowledge the truth. Are you willing to be that brutally honest with yourself?

Getting to the core of the problem requires you to ask some questions. Start with one issue at a time, and ask:

• How do I really feel about [the problem]?
• If the feeling is anger, what is beneath the anger? If the feeling is sadness, feel it fully and ask yourself what lesson is hidden in the sadness?
• Does this emotion surrounding [current problem] remind me of a previous time in my life when I was unable to address this emotion or issue?
• Where do my thoughts about the issue originate from (who told me or taught me this)?
• Is there a part of me that believes this problem is unsurmountable? If so, why? Who taught me that?
• What am I willing to change to solve [this problem]?
• What am I not willing to change to solve [this problem]?

You might need to spend time alone working through the problem to get to it's core, or you may need to journal to fully understand its meaning in your life. Whatever you need to do, do it. Take long walks, sit quietly and listen, feel the emotions, journal, and let the problem reveal its lesson to you. Take the time, and do the work. If you know you have a problem, but have been unable to solve the problem yourself, you might want to seek professional help. Some problems really are too big to deal with on your own and can't be solved just with willpower. Get help, if you need it. The rewards are far greater than you can imagine. With this renewed understanding, you will be in the right position to begin writing affirmations that lead you where you want to go: Healing and releasing the problem to make room for something better in your life.

Once you know the core of your problem, take a piece of paper and write it down. Draw a line under that, and below, write down the opposite of that problem and the preferred outcome. You can write words or phrases...whatever evokes in your mind the opposite or preferred outcome for you. This is the groundwork for creating powerful affirmations. Use these words and phrases in your affirmations, re-write them in a positive tone, in present tense, and commit to reading/saying them as often as possible. Write affirmations that make you smile and lift your spirit, say and read them regularly, and you will experience an amazing shift in your energy! You will be well on your way...

Seeing Your Problems as Blessings
Our Western culture has an attitude about problems. We don't like it when people talk about them, so instead we pay professionals to hear them talk about them. We feel guilt and shame when we have any problems. Why me, we ask. What did I do to deserve this, we cry. The irony is that everyone on this planet is dealing with something. Whether it's about drugs, alcohol, overeating, poverty, lack, or relationships, whatever the problem, they come down to this: Your problems are your unique guideposts for the changes that need to happen in your life. Problems challenge us to stand up for ourselves, face the facts, and take productive action. If we fail to do that, the problem just keeps coming around...and usually grows exponentially in the process.

Taking productive action means you have acknowledged the core of the problem and are taking steps toward healing, releasing and moving beyond it. When you sabotage your progress, pay close attention. Sabotage means that somewhere in your heart or subconscious, you are not ready, willing, or able to move beyond the problem...just yet. Perhaps a lesson has not yet been learned, or the full-scope of understanding has not entered your conscious mind for you to address it.

Talk to anyone who has worked through a difficult problem in their life and, given enough time, they will often look back and say what a blessing that problem turned out to be. Usually, the blessing comes from being forced to deal with something that they were either unaware existed in their life, or something they had been dreading. I realize that when you are in the problem, it may be impossible to see it for the blessing that it is. Give yourself some space and have faith that your feelings will change. Life experience will show you, and as you get older you may be able to remind yourself, that someday you will move beyond this problem and be able to appreciate it's presence in your life.

Is it possible to be entirely problem-free? I can't say, because I've never personally experienced that. What I have experienced is a greater sense of self-worth and accomplishment as I address long-standing issues in my life. Once they are out of the way, there is usually a quiet period of contentment, then I start to notice other problems that I couldn't see when I was blinded by my original issue(s). The point is, ignoring the problems isn't going to improve your life, but confronting them gives you the opportunity to heal and create something better for yourself.

So, don't hide from or ignore your problems a moment longer. If your affirmations have not been working, the affirmations are not the problem. Chances are, you already know what is the problem. Be courageous and meet yours head-on. The effort you make now will pay dividends for the rest of your life. It's your life, and now is the best time to get started. Why not live the best one you can possibly create?

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Nancy Barry-Jansson is an illustrator and the creator of AffirmingSpirit™ Affirmation Cards, which are sold online through AffirmingSpirit.com. The cards were first conceived when Nancy was looking for a more beautiful way to experience her daily affirmations. Now her dream is that the cards will inspire and help others in their daily practice of affirmations. You can reach her at inspiration@affirmingspirit.com.

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© 2006 Barry-Jansson & Associates and AffirmingSpirit.com.

We welcome suggestions for this quarterly newsletter. Got a question you'd like explored, a resource to recomment, or a great idea to share? Send your suggestions to inspiration@affirmingspirit.com!

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